So in the previous vein, women also seem to be conditioned to let men get away with a lot of things - to let them have sex even if the woman isn't in the mood or doesn't want to - technically if it's against her will, it's rape.
The stereotypical image of a rapist is some guy lurking in the bushes who jumps out on some unsuspecting young woman - you know what? That's a myth perpetuated by people who don't want to admit that most rapes are actually carried out by someone known to the victim. And if she doesn't want to have sex, then date rape is still rape. Marital rape does exist. It is NOT a man's right to have sex with her just because she is his wife. It is not a man's right to have sex with a woman just because they were alone together or they went to a movie. Is it any wonder that the vast majority of rapes go unreported?
Sometimes you wish you could take the law into your own hands, but of course you can't. One person however made use of her right to free speech.
Outted rapist
What struck me most wasn't that she used facebook to out the guys, it was these three points, especially the third.
1. The system fails women. Again and again. Campus and law-enforcement response to sexual assault is often inadequate at best, traumatic at worst. And schools are reluctant to treat acquaintance rapes (aka the majority of rapes) as crimes worthy of alerting all students about. These system failures essentially give offenders license to rape again.
2. Women already share this type of information informally -- and have since long before Facebook. Women in a particular industry warn each other about which bosses are sexist and which coworkers are harassers. We discuss previous relationship violence we have experienced and caution friends against dating those men. We are often each other's best support and resource.
3. Rapists are likely to be repeat offenders. This was Rubenstein's primary motivation for making the Facebook posting: "I felt like I needed to warn everyone else about these guys," she said. The comments at Jezebel (where Amanda's post was reposted) are full of women's stories of being raped by an acquaintance who went on to rape other women.
Throughout history women have shared stories, exchanged gossip, and sometimes that gossip actually had/has substance - women talking together can just as easily convey important information as share ideas in how to wash their man's pants! Shocking I know lol But sometimes we actually DO talk about important things in life, and share info on someone who has hurt one of our sisters Is a very important thing to share. And make no mistake, we ARE all sisters, we are all women, we have that in common and what affects one of us has the potential to affect us all.
As for the third point, the majority of date rapists have done it before and WILL do it again. So, you may be wondering, why don't women report them? Because first you have point one - the system doesn't make it easy to do so, the investigation and gathering of evidence is invasive and humiliating and requires a woman to relieve the ordeal repeatedly, something she is in state to deal with after the trauma of being raped in the first place.
Because many victims of date rape are ashamed of having put themselves in that position in the first place, they think it's their fault - which it isn't. They think people will blame them for the wrong clothes, or leading him on, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Victim blaming is still endemic in our society, especially in cases of rape and other violent acts against women - too many people still think "She deserved it" or "She asked for it". You know what? No woman ever asks to be raped or abused, whether by her boyfriend, her date, her neighbour or a complete stranger, period.
Rape, whether date rape, stranger rape or whatever, has absolutely NOTHING to do with SEX and EVERYTHING to do with a male need for POWER over, CONTROL of and VIOLENCE towards the victim. There's a reason rape is used as a weapon of war - and it's not because soldiers need sex. It's because it's a vicious, violent weapon that affects on multiple levels.
Victims think no-one will believe them - any case of he said she said is difficult to prove, especially rape - he says they were having rough sex, she says she was raped, there are no witnesses - chances are not good that he'll be found guilty of anything either by the law or by society. Sorry, but sad as it is that is a reflection on both society and the law which has to consider someone innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt - not that that helps out the victims. It's just the way it is.
And no victim really wants to relive what they just went through, probably multiple times, in front of male police officers, court officials, lawyers, judges... you get the idea.
I can understand why, however, that brings us back to point two again - any victim has the right now to go to the authorities if that's what she chooses but she shouldn't remain silent within her own circle of sisters. The chances are very good that if he has raped her, then he's done it to other people, and he will do it again. We have to continue to talk to each other, to protect each other. As soon as one victim of date rape speaks out, you can almost guarantee others will speak up and the only way anything will ever be done about these perpetrators is when enough people know and stand up to them and call them to account for their actions.
In my book, Chloe Rubenstein did what she thought she needed to do to protect other women, to protect her sisters. We all need to look out for each other, we all need to stand together instead of blaming the victims, we need to stand against those who think date rape, rape, abuse and violence are ok. We need to remember we are all in this together and find some sisterhood.
And we need some way of warning other women to at least be wary and be careful when around someone who has committed such an offence. There's a reason women gossip - sometimes it's for mutual protection.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Feminism
So there are lot of misconceptions about feminism and feminists, not least that all feminists are man hating, lumber jacking lesbians or some such who want to overthrow men and do away with family and all kinds of similar notions.
[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. ~Pat Robertson.
Need I say more? Unfortunately it's a well heard view, and part of the reason a lot of women don't think of themselves as feminists even when they are.
fem·i·nism
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. (sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3. feminine character.
fem·i·nism
1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.
2. The movement organized around this belief.
Maybe it's just that feminism is all about equality, parity and women standing up for themselves, each other, and our rights and protections as human beings. That seems to be scary to too many men in the world - and the idea of owning their own power and standing up for themselves as equals is apparently scary to some women too. From childhood girls are taught to be good, behave, be obedient, be nice, be subservient to the men in their lives - yes even in our supposedly civilized western society.
"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." ~Rebecca West
Society needs an attitude change because too many people still think that women should be doormats, unable to say no or refute any demand made on them - whoever by.
(There will be more on this topic lol)
[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. ~Pat Robertson.
Need I say more? Unfortunately it's a well heard view, and part of the reason a lot of women don't think of themselves as feminists even when they are.
fem·i·nism
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. (sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3. feminine character.
fem·i·nism
1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.
2. The movement organized around this belief.
Maybe it's just that feminism is all about equality, parity and women standing up for themselves, each other, and our rights and protections as human beings. That seems to be scary to too many men in the world - and the idea of owning their own power and standing up for themselves as equals is apparently scary to some women too. From childhood girls are taught to be good, behave, be obedient, be nice, be subservient to the men in their lives - yes even in our supposedly civilized western society.
"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." ~Rebecca West
Society needs an attitude change because too many people still think that women should be doormats, unable to say no or refute any demand made on them - whoever by.
(There will be more on this topic lol)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Books - Chick Lit LOL
Books I have read and own that I think every free thinking woman should read:
Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
Spider Woman's Web
Holy Book of Women's Mysteries
Standing Together
Our Bodies, Ourselves
Women Who Run With Wolves
Truth or Dare
Awakening Intuition
There are more, I know there are, but after restarting my library from scratch I cannot remember. Suggestions are welcome....
Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
Spider Woman's Web
Holy Book of Women's Mysteries
Standing Together
Our Bodies, Ourselves
Women Who Run With Wolves
Truth or Dare
Awakening Intuition
There are more, I know there are, but after restarting my library from scratch I cannot remember. Suggestions are welcome....
Alicia
So I was thinking about what Alicia said - "It truly bothers me, an underlying theme in our community, that women (even in positions of leadership) are to be silent to 'keep the peace' to allow others to infringe upon our rights and the rights of others, to allow the cycle of abuse to run rampant. Every time I speak out, it garners some very strange reactions."
And she does get some interesting reactions for not being the 'good, quiet obedient girl' that too many people, not all men, would prefer her to be. Yet she should be speaking up, she shouldn't be silent just because some people are uncomfortable with the things she has to say about rape, domestic violence, women's rights, aboriginal rights and many other subjects. They are things that need saying, they address issues, behaviour and facts that need to be brought into the light and dealt with. We need more people who are willing to do that, even in the face of opposition and denial.
We need more people like her who are willing to stand tall, speak their mind and call it like it is, especially on the many taboo subjects in our society. People are going to find it uncomfortable because they would rather these things be swept under the carpet and left there. Well you know what? Sweeping things under the carpet doesn't make them go away. We need to stand up and make people face facts and deal with them.
Alicia also made another point, that as a priestess silence is not an option. She is expected and required to stand up and say what needs to be said. As she put it "The Gods have no respect for cowardice..." Especially some of them. I understand where she's coming from with that one, and no it's not an easy road to walk, even the Gods agree on that. It is, however, a necessary one, and a road that Alicia walks with strength, intelligence, dignity and fire. She is an outstanding person, priestess, pagan and activist. In my opinion the world could use a few more women like her.
And she does get some interesting reactions for not being the 'good, quiet obedient girl' that too many people, not all men, would prefer her to be. Yet she should be speaking up, she shouldn't be silent just because some people are uncomfortable with the things she has to say about rape, domestic violence, women's rights, aboriginal rights and many other subjects. They are things that need saying, they address issues, behaviour and facts that need to be brought into the light and dealt with. We need more people who are willing to do that, even in the face of opposition and denial.
We need more people like her who are willing to stand tall, speak their mind and call it like it is, especially on the many taboo subjects in our society. People are going to find it uncomfortable because they would rather these things be swept under the carpet and left there. Well you know what? Sweeping things under the carpet doesn't make them go away. We need to stand up and make people face facts and deal with them.
Alicia also made another point, that as a priestess silence is not an option. She is expected and required to stand up and say what needs to be said. As she put it "The Gods have no respect for cowardice..." Especially some of them. I understand where she's coming from with that one, and no it's not an easy road to walk, even the Gods agree on that. It is, however, a necessary one, and a road that Alicia walks with strength, intelligence, dignity and fire. She is an outstanding person, priestess, pagan and activist. In my opinion the world could use a few more women like her.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
My mum
It's been ten years now, and yet every day I miss her. I still want to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end - and I never will, and that kills me.
Same as it kills me that she has four grandchildren, one who was only a baby when she died, and one, she will never know. And he will never know her. And she would have adored him as she adored the other three.
I try not to remember her as she was at the end, I prefer to remember her as she was before that - as she was when I was a child and as she was even when her two oldest grandchildren were babies. Then, she was a strong, determined woman who taught me many things that have shaped who I am today. I don't need to remember her as she was once life, and men, destroyed her, I knew her when she was so much more than that - back before she lost the love of her life.
Only now do I realize how much I owe her, how much she shaped who I am. Because only now can I see what I couldn't define back then when it happened and understand why she did what she did. Only now do I understand how hard it was for her to be who she was, to give birth to me in the first place as an unmarried mother, to raise me though she never married my step father, (the love of her life, may he rest in peace forever) in the place and with the people she was with, and only now do I really understand why she gave up.
I've always accepted that she simply couldn't take any more after everything that she had put up with, I always knew that losing the love of her life first to another woman and then to cancer - and helping his new wife through that loss - in addition to her own recent loss of the asshole she called a boyfriend - was simply too much - I just never truly understood how she could quit and give up - I accepted it as her choice but I didn't understand it - now I do.
That doesn't matter - what matters is that I realize that she gave me so much more than life, she introduced me to worlds I will never forget, she gave me freedoms I could wish for all children, she taught me many things I can only hope to pass on to my children, she loved those of her grandchildren that she knew, and she loved me. Regardless of what I did or didn't do, she loved me.
And no matter if it is one year, ten years or a hundred years, I will always miss the fact that I can no longer pick up a phone, dial a number, and hear her voice.
Rest in peace, whether with your gods or mine, Mum, for I love you, now and for always, in this world and the next. May my Lady bless you for all time.
Love you Mum.
Same as it kills me that she has four grandchildren, one who was only a baby when she died, and one, she will never know. And he will never know her. And she would have adored him as she adored the other three.
I try not to remember her as she was at the end, I prefer to remember her as she was before that - as she was when I was a child and as she was even when her two oldest grandchildren were babies. Then, she was a strong, determined woman who taught me many things that have shaped who I am today. I don't need to remember her as she was once life, and men, destroyed her, I knew her when she was so much more than that - back before she lost the love of her life.
Only now do I realize how much I owe her, how much she shaped who I am. Because only now can I see what I couldn't define back then when it happened and understand why she did what she did. Only now do I understand how hard it was for her to be who she was, to give birth to me in the first place as an unmarried mother, to raise me though she never married my step father, (the love of her life, may he rest in peace forever) in the place and with the people she was with, and only now do I really understand why she gave up.
I've always accepted that she simply couldn't take any more after everything that she had put up with, I always knew that losing the love of her life first to another woman and then to cancer - and helping his new wife through that loss - in addition to her own recent loss of the asshole she called a boyfriend - was simply too much - I just never truly understood how she could quit and give up - I accepted it as her choice but I didn't understand it - now I do.
That doesn't matter - what matters is that I realize that she gave me so much more than life, she introduced me to worlds I will never forget, she gave me freedoms I could wish for all children, she taught me many things I can only hope to pass on to my children, she loved those of her grandchildren that she knew, and she loved me. Regardless of what I did or didn't do, she loved me.
And no matter if it is one year, ten years or a hundred years, I will always miss the fact that I can no longer pick up a phone, dial a number, and hear her voice.
Rest in peace, whether with your gods or mine, Mum, for I love you, now and for always, in this world and the next. May my Lady bless you for all time.
Love you Mum.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Hell in a handbasket
Time acceleration
Think of time as elastic. "The amount that has to be thought about and acted on in a short space doesn't seem to relate to actual clock time. Time is anything but static. Have you ever been in an accident? did you experience time slowing down as you had nanoseconds to respond? Everything becomes extra slow, allowing thoughts and actions 'time' to prevail. Or when you're totally engrossed in something, time seems to disappear."
Synchronicity
A person's experience of two or more events happening simultaneously that are unrelated by cause and effect but which occur in a significant manner.
When we are on the right path, even if we don't have a clue what that path is, when we are being true to ourselves, living authentic lives, synchronicities occur with increasing frequency.
Notes on the Tenth Insight, sequel to the Celestine Prophecy
"He was voicing the Fear."
"I think the danger is that a lot of people are beginning to believe it is happening."
Voicing the Fear, based on revelations, the End Times, and the 7 years of Tribulations that are supposed to follow the Rapture. - Earthquakes, rising sea levels, destruction of cities, economic crisis, rioting and crime.
any of that sound familiar or have you not been paying attention to what is going on in the world? And I don't mean the Rapture itself, I mean the world in general around us.
Thoughts are things, witches, Pagans, magic users and many others have known that for a long time. There could well be a great danger in a large number of people becoming convinced that the world is coming to an end in 2012, or whenever - if enough people hold to that belief then we might just bring it to pass as a self fulfilling prophecy.
There is too much going on right now for me not to accept that something is coming, something is going to happen. In 2012? maybe, maybe not.
http://www.dailyhotnews.org/323/2010-the-year-of-natural-disasters/
Not to mention all the other things potentially going wrong in the world right now, and for those who hold to such things whether with belief, interest or mere curiosity, 21 12 2012.
Earthquakes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_earthquakes
Do I think the world is going to hell in a hand basket? yeah pretty much. Do I think the world will end? No. And not just because I refuse to buy into the Fear and create a self fulfilling prophecy.
Do I think the world as we know it might end/change? Yes I think it's a distinct possibility for oh so many reasons. There is too much going on right now in a shorter and shorter space of time, from natural disasters, to man made ones, to economic crisis, pandemics, to name some. for a start there are only so many disasters that relief agencies can deal with at any one time - especially since even when a disaster falls from the headlines, agencies are still working to help people survive, thrive and rebuild - it's just old news. Resources, both for disaster relief and generally, can only stretch so thin and so far. Eventually there will come a breaking point. Something has to give, more than it already has, given that the distribution of everything over the world is unfair already, else there wouldn't be millions of people starving and lacking clean water - but it's going to get worse.
Saudi Arabia is already running out of water having drained its non replenishable aquifer to the point where it will, in a few years, no long be growing any wheat for its population and will be importing it all based on oil money. But that wheat they import has to come from somewhere, and mean less wheat for other people....
I think something has to give, sooner or later. And if one thing, or country, goes under it's going to have a knock on effect that will reach all the way around this globalised world of ours. Maybe not today, Maybe not this year, maybe not in ten years, but it'll come. More and more people seem to be awakening to the idea that "something' is going on, that there are an increasing number of disasters, severe weather storms, heat waves, and everything else, that they are occurring with greater frequency and affecting almost every area of the world. No-one is immune from the possibility of something happening. Denial is not an option if we want a chance at a future, a better future.
Information and action are the antidotes to worry and fear.
fight the fear, don't feed it, don't let it paralyse, else the world that we fear might just come to pass. Back to thoughts are things that can take on a life of their own. Each of us has to find our own personal vision that sees beyond the Fear, and helps bring about a world worth living in afterwards if we do reach breaking point and face the end of the world as we know it (TEOTWAWKI)
Think of time as elastic. "The amount that has to be thought about and acted on in a short space doesn't seem to relate to actual clock time. Time is anything but static. Have you ever been in an accident? did you experience time slowing down as you had nanoseconds to respond? Everything becomes extra slow, allowing thoughts and actions 'time' to prevail. Or when you're totally engrossed in something, time seems to disappear."
Synchronicity
A person's experience of two or more events happening simultaneously that are unrelated by cause and effect but which occur in a significant manner.
When we are on the right path, even if we don't have a clue what that path is, when we are being true to ourselves, living authentic lives, synchronicities occur with increasing frequency.
Notes on the Tenth Insight, sequel to the Celestine Prophecy
"He was voicing the Fear."
"I think the danger is that a lot of people are beginning to believe it is happening."
Voicing the Fear, based on revelations, the End Times, and the 7 years of Tribulations that are supposed to follow the Rapture. - Earthquakes, rising sea levels, destruction of cities, economic crisis, rioting and crime.
any of that sound familiar or have you not been paying attention to what is going on in the world? And I don't mean the Rapture itself, I mean the world in general around us.
Thoughts are things, witches, Pagans, magic users and many others have known that for a long time. There could well be a great danger in a large number of people becoming convinced that the world is coming to an end in 2012, or whenever - if enough people hold to that belief then we might just bring it to pass as a self fulfilling prophecy.
There is too much going on right now for me not to accept that something is coming, something is going to happen. In 2012? maybe, maybe not.
http://www.dailyhotnews.org/323/2010-the-year-of-natural-disasters/
Not to mention all the other things potentially going wrong in the world right now, and for those who hold to such things whether with belief, interest or mere curiosity, 21 12 2012.
Earthquakes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_earthquakes
Do I think the world is going to hell in a hand basket? yeah pretty much. Do I think the world will end? No. And not just because I refuse to buy into the Fear and create a self fulfilling prophecy.
Do I think the world as we know it might end/change? Yes I think it's a distinct possibility for oh so many reasons. There is too much going on right now in a shorter and shorter space of time, from natural disasters, to man made ones, to economic crisis, pandemics, to name some. for a start there are only so many disasters that relief agencies can deal with at any one time - especially since even when a disaster falls from the headlines, agencies are still working to help people survive, thrive and rebuild - it's just old news. Resources, both for disaster relief and generally, can only stretch so thin and so far. Eventually there will come a breaking point. Something has to give, more than it already has, given that the distribution of everything over the world is unfair already, else there wouldn't be millions of people starving and lacking clean water - but it's going to get worse.
Saudi Arabia is already running out of water having drained its non replenishable aquifer to the point where it will, in a few years, no long be growing any wheat for its population and will be importing it all based on oil money. But that wheat they import has to come from somewhere, and mean less wheat for other people....
I think something has to give, sooner or later. And if one thing, or country, goes under it's going to have a knock on effect that will reach all the way around this globalised world of ours. Maybe not today, Maybe not this year, maybe not in ten years, but it'll come. More and more people seem to be awakening to the idea that "something' is going on, that there are an increasing number of disasters, severe weather storms, heat waves, and everything else, that they are occurring with greater frequency and affecting almost every area of the world. No-one is immune from the possibility of something happening. Denial is not an option if we want a chance at a future, a better future.
Information and action are the antidotes to worry and fear.
fight the fear, don't feed it, don't let it paralyse, else the world that we fear might just come to pass. Back to thoughts are things that can take on a life of their own. Each of us has to find our own personal vision that sees beyond the Fear, and helps bring about a world worth living in afterwards if we do reach breaking point and face the end of the world as we know it (TEOTWAWKI)
TEOTWAWKI
TEOTWAWKI could be in any one, or more of a large number of ways. However I intend to do everything in my power to ensure that me and mine survive whatever happens in the best way possible. Three words - Preparedness and sustainability. that, and Survival Mom's Credo http://thesurvivalmom.com/ - Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have. More on that another time however.
Another quote from Survival Mom "As moms, I've just gotta be honest here, we don't have the luxury of denial. We can't afford to insist that the world isn't changing, that our world isn't changing. Denial and fear keep us from seeing other possibilities, other paths and venturing forward.
If the readers of this blog http://thesurvivalmom.com/ are still wearing blinders, I'd be surprised. Facing the future with boldness and a proactive attitude, requires wide-open eyes and courage, and what is preparedness if not facing the future and whatever it holds? "
Funnily I picked up that quote tonight after writing "Eyes wide open to all that is happening so that TEOTWAWKI does not catch us unawares - it will catch many people napping."
Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Change is coming, resist it, fear it, deny it or be prepared and flow with it. Follow your own vision, live an authentic life and let the synchronicities flow. There's nothing wrong with covering your bases. There are plenty of good reasons to be prepared, even the government wants everyone to be prepared enough to look after themselves and their families for 72 hours in the event of an emergency, and do you really think in light of recent events in recent years like hurricane Katrina or the earthquake in Haiti that 72 hours would be long enough?
Another quote from Survival Mom "As moms, I've just gotta be honest here, we don't have the luxury of denial. We can't afford to insist that the world isn't changing, that our world isn't changing. Denial and fear keep us from seeing other possibilities, other paths and venturing forward.
If the readers of this blog http://thesurvivalmom.com/ are still wearing blinders, I'd be surprised. Facing the future with boldness and a proactive attitude, requires wide-open eyes and courage, and what is preparedness if not facing the future and whatever it holds? "
Funnily I picked up that quote tonight after writing "Eyes wide open to all that is happening so that TEOTWAWKI does not catch us unawares - it will catch many people napping."
Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Change is coming, resist it, fear it, deny it or be prepared and flow with it. Follow your own vision, live an authentic life and let the synchronicities flow. There's nothing wrong with covering your bases. There are plenty of good reasons to be prepared, even the government wants everyone to be prepared enough to look after themselves and their families for 72 hours in the event of an emergency, and do you really think in light of recent events in recent years like hurricane Katrina or the earthquake in Haiti that 72 hours would be long enough?
Today, sunflowers, bubbles and chalk
Today we went to the North Pole aka the park to play, blowing bubbles, drawing hopscotch with sidewalk chalk and planting sunflowers. This world could always use a little more magic in it. Ok so International Sunflower planting day might have been a little over a week ago but we've had two snowstorms in the last fortnight so..... We'll see what happens. But I'm making food and I have an hour or so, theoretically, of peace - relatively speaking, so this could be the time of random postings. Well I did warn you that posting could be erratic, random and usually less than coherent ;)
Partly that is because as always there are many thoughts running through my head in tandem, all vying for their turn at 'top spot'. You'll see - or you can run away now.
"Many women today feel a sadness we cannot name. Though we accomplish much of what we set out to do, we sense that something is missing in our lives, and - fruitlessly - search 'out there' for the answers. What's often wrong is that we are disconnected from an authentic sense of self." Emily Hancock.
And that doesn't just apply to women, especially in terms of some of the thoughts that have been chasing each other through my head lately and showing up in conversations with a friend or two. Anyway I told a friend I'd try and get some of my stray thoughts and scribbled notes into something resembling sentences - not coherence - just sentences for now. So that is what I'm going to try and do, on a variety of topics. Be afraid, be very afraid he he
Partly that is because as always there are many thoughts running through my head in tandem, all vying for their turn at 'top spot'. You'll see - or you can run away now.
"Many women today feel a sadness we cannot name. Though we accomplish much of what we set out to do, we sense that something is missing in our lives, and - fruitlessly - search 'out there' for the answers. What's often wrong is that we are disconnected from an authentic sense of self." Emily Hancock.
And that doesn't just apply to women, especially in terms of some of the thoughts that have been chasing each other through my head lately and showing up in conversations with a friend or two. Anyway I told a friend I'd try and get some of my stray thoughts and scribbled notes into something resembling sentences - not coherence - just sentences for now. So that is what I'm going to try and do, on a variety of topics. Be afraid, be very afraid he he
Following on...
"Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences."
Susan B Anthony.
So.... watching so many of my friends suffer from "shit happens" always makes me think, not always in nice ways either. You see, while I am largely a nice person, somewhere inside me there's a bitch and every once in a while she gets let loose. Like a good friend of mine, I'll take a lot, and put up with a lot, and stay quiet, calm and whatever through a lot, but, (you knew there was a but didn't you?) BUT somewhere, depending on the topic and the people involved, there WILL be a line in the sand and if anyone steps over that line they better watch out. Oftentimes it takes a lot, but once that line is crossed, the gloves are off. There's a few people out there who have experienced that for themselves and you know, I make no apologies for it. It's not something that happens often, so when it does, it's generally for a reason.
Anyway, I was digressing. I was watching the soap opera that is life, and I was thinking, and I actually got sad and frustrated...
Why is it that so many women fall for that totally ridiculous fallacy that says "I'm attached therefore I exist"???? (Don't make me name names lol) Seriously. Even when I was in a place where I was beginning to wonder if I, as a person, existed, it wasn't because i didn't have a man, it was because I didn't want the one I had and there were a few things in the way of losing him.
"Women tend to make a relationship their life, their identity, while men make it a part of their lives." Now how freakin true is that? And how wrong.....
Nobody is going to love you if you don't love yourself, and nobody is going to respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to expect them to.
Too many women are so busy trying to make him want them that they fail to stop and ask themselves if they want him in the first place.
Some women are so desperate not to be alone with themselves that they go to lengths that make the rest of us go "WTF?!?!?" They're the ones who not only put up with behaviour most of us would consider unacceptable, they take the blame for his doing it in the first place, and somehow makes themselves responsible for his bad behaviour. So he doesn't have to accept responsibility for anything, there are no consequences of whatever he did and is free to do it again, indeed he's almost validated in his behaviour.
I swear sometimes I not only don't understand the human species, I don't even understand my own gender. Okay maybe I do understand, I just don't like it.
Susan B Anthony.
So.... watching so many of my friends suffer from "shit happens" always makes me think, not always in nice ways either. You see, while I am largely a nice person, somewhere inside me there's a bitch and every once in a while she gets let loose. Like a good friend of mine, I'll take a lot, and put up with a lot, and stay quiet, calm and whatever through a lot, but, (you knew there was a but didn't you?) BUT somewhere, depending on the topic and the people involved, there WILL be a line in the sand and if anyone steps over that line they better watch out. Oftentimes it takes a lot, but once that line is crossed, the gloves are off. There's a few people out there who have experienced that for themselves and you know, I make no apologies for it. It's not something that happens often, so when it does, it's generally for a reason.
Anyway, I was digressing. I was watching the soap opera that is life, and I was thinking, and I actually got sad and frustrated...
Why is it that so many women fall for that totally ridiculous fallacy that says "I'm attached therefore I exist"???? (Don't make me name names lol) Seriously. Even when I was in a place where I was beginning to wonder if I, as a person, existed, it wasn't because i didn't have a man, it was because I didn't want the one I had and there were a few things in the way of losing him.
"Women tend to make a relationship their life, their identity, while men make it a part of their lives." Now how freakin true is that? And how wrong.....
Nobody is going to love you if you don't love yourself, and nobody is going to respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to expect them to.
Too many women are so busy trying to make him want them that they fail to stop and ask themselves if they want him in the first place.
Some women are so desperate not to be alone with themselves that they go to lengths that make the rest of us go "WTF?!?!?" They're the ones who not only put up with behaviour most of us would consider unacceptable, they take the blame for his doing it in the first place, and somehow makes themselves responsible for his bad behaviour. So he doesn't have to accept responsibility for anything, there are no consequences of whatever he did and is free to do it again, indeed he's almost validated in his behaviour.
I swear sometimes I not only don't understand the human species, I don't even understand my own gender. Okay maybe I do understand, I just don't like it.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Life stuff and stray thoughts
Well I never did promise sanity, sense, coherence or anything else remotely related. Just adding in a few older posts while I try and figure out what I'm supposed to be doing this afternoon - and then figure out what I'll actually do lol
Weather is too crappy for another trip out so that'll have to wait... might have to call another buddy who's having a 'shit happens' week. Life can be a really... interesting thing sometimes - not always in a good way even when things happen that are probably for the best in the long term - they still aren't any fun at all in the short term. Sucks to be going through it and I feel for her, I really do. Sometimes in life there is no "right" answer, no "correct" solution, only better or worse, or a lesser evil, or dealing with what comes, somehow, as best you can.
No-one round here knows her, and no-one knows who I'm talking about except me and her and that's how it'll stay. Imagine being single, less than young, and finding out you're pregnant, and knowing abortion is not a choice you want to make - although like me she firmly believes that abortion should always be a legally available option for any woman - her personal choice is not. So that's out, yet, on the other hand, all practical considerations aside, and all of us with kids know there are PLENTY of those, you also know that if you carry this child, there's every chance you'll get as sick as last time, and in fact you were warned that you shouldn't have any more children as being pregnant again would pose a high risk of killing you. I remember how sick she was last time. When life happens, it happens good and hard! Love you girl.
Life seems to happening a little too much to several of my friends lately - for starters I'll be glad when Mercury retrograde is over! Relationships starting, ending, going pants - for umpteenth time.... not to mention all the rest of the crap going on. Life may be what it is, but sometimes it seems to happen hard and fast.
Anyway.... "Every action comes with a price, be prepared to pay that price and then do what you will." Elspeth Sapphire (hope I remembered that correctly!)
Weather is too crappy for another trip out so that'll have to wait... might have to call another buddy who's having a 'shit happens' week. Life can be a really... interesting thing sometimes - not always in a good way even when things happen that are probably for the best in the long term - they still aren't any fun at all in the short term. Sucks to be going through it and I feel for her, I really do. Sometimes in life there is no "right" answer, no "correct" solution, only better or worse, or a lesser evil, or dealing with what comes, somehow, as best you can.
No-one round here knows her, and no-one knows who I'm talking about except me and her and that's how it'll stay. Imagine being single, less than young, and finding out you're pregnant, and knowing abortion is not a choice you want to make - although like me she firmly believes that abortion should always be a legally available option for any woman - her personal choice is not. So that's out, yet, on the other hand, all practical considerations aside, and all of us with kids know there are PLENTY of those, you also know that if you carry this child, there's every chance you'll get as sick as last time, and in fact you were warned that you shouldn't have any more children as being pregnant again would pose a high risk of killing you. I remember how sick she was last time. When life happens, it happens good and hard! Love you girl.
Life seems to happening a little too much to several of my friends lately - for starters I'll be glad when Mercury retrograde is over! Relationships starting, ending, going pants - for umpteenth time.... not to mention all the rest of the crap going on. Life may be what it is, but sometimes it seems to happen hard and fast.
Anyway.... "Every action comes with a price, be prepared to pay that price and then do what you will." Elspeth Sapphire (hope I remembered that correctly!)
And in a similar vein since I was reminded by the current snowfall...
It's snowing again, big, soft, fluffy flakes that cover the dirty ridges of refrozen slush left from earlier falls with a clean white blanket. Christmas card beauty is restored, sound is muffled, the world seems calmer and less frantic. Of course, cars are slipping and sliding, losing traction and getting stuck, drivers cursing as their wheels spin helplessly. People pass by walking fast, hands in pockets, hoods pulled high over their ears, intent only on reaching their destinations with maximum speed. A few stop to help the stranded drivers, gloved hands pushing against snow covered cars, trying to move them clear of trouble.
In the midst of all the cold chaos, a boy, almost three, falls to his knees in the soft snow and laughs. His nose is already red, his cheeks rosy, snow covers his pants and collects in the tops of his boots. He doesn't care. His eyes shine as he rolls in the snow. The snow is soft and white, his toes are warm and dry deep inside his hand-me-down boots, his fingers are snug inside striped gloves. Padded jacket and pants protect him from the weather and he is having fun. To him, the boots and pants are new wonders, the key to exploring a magical world of whiteness that he doesn't remember from the winter before. To him, it's all new.
Climbing to his feet, his eyes sparkle as he looks up briefly.
"Jump!" He jumps over another ridge of snow and giggles. "One more time!" and falls to his knees in the snow again.
The innocent, timeless joy of a child for whom time doesn't matter. There is no duty, no responsibility, no reason to hurry, no deadline, all are foreign concepts to him, expectations for other people. The only thing that is important to him, the only thing that matters, is this moment, and the snow.
As Rita Mae Brown is quoted as saying, "I finally figured out that the only reason to be alive, is to enjoy it."
If there is no time to enjoy any part of it, then there's something not working in your life. All too often people forget that life isn't one big thing, it's lots of little things all joined together. And they're not joined together in any neat, compartmentalized pattern where each has its own separate place where it belongs and will stay, they're all tangled together in one seemingly chaotic mess, touching together, tangling, merging, twisting and joining without obvious order or even meaning. Yet as a whole, this tangled, barely organized chaos works. Or it should do.
People who view life as one big thing that they have to 'get right' will always find themselves disappointed. there will always be something that could be better, bigger newer or more abundant, there will always be something missing.
Those who view life as being made up of many small pieces all joined together have more chance of getting the overall balance, the bigger picture, 'right'. Whatever 'right' means for them. There will probably always be parts that they wish were better, bigger, newer, shinier, not so dull or boring, or just plain wrong. However, hopefully there will be enough parts that are right, good, fun and exciting to balance them out and in the end make the good parts outweigh the bad parts when taken as a whole. That, is what makes a good life, not your bank balance, what car you drive or how many pairs of shoes you have.
Looking at life as a collage of smaller pieces, snapshots, there will be some that stand out and almost seem to glow with a life of their own, those are the moments and memories that have the power to make the whole of life a little brighter and better. Of course that does mean it's necessary to actually take the time to notice those moments in the first place, as they're happening, and not simply later as a good memory. Remembering a time when you were happy and enjoying life is one thing, realizing it at the time, as it is happening, is another. It requires time, something too many people don't make, to grab, enjoy and savour those moments - like playing in the snow, stopping to smell freshly bloomed roses, pausing to listen to the wind and the birds in the trees or letting warm summer rain fall on bare skin and savouring the feel of grass between your toes rather than simply hurrying to get from A to B as quickly as possible.
So it took us a little longer to get to the store and back in the snow that day, so what? Did it matter? Not in the slightest in the scheme of things. There was nothing that was so important that a small boy couldn't have the time to enjoy what, for him, was perfect moment.
In the midst of all the cold chaos, a boy, almost three, falls to his knees in the soft snow and laughs. His nose is already red, his cheeks rosy, snow covers his pants and collects in the tops of his boots. He doesn't care. His eyes shine as he rolls in the snow. The snow is soft and white, his toes are warm and dry deep inside his hand-me-down boots, his fingers are snug inside striped gloves. Padded jacket and pants protect him from the weather and he is having fun. To him, the boots and pants are new wonders, the key to exploring a magical world of whiteness that he doesn't remember from the winter before. To him, it's all new.
Climbing to his feet, his eyes sparkle as he looks up briefly.
"Jump!" He jumps over another ridge of snow and giggles. "One more time!" and falls to his knees in the snow again.
The innocent, timeless joy of a child for whom time doesn't matter. There is no duty, no responsibility, no reason to hurry, no deadline, all are foreign concepts to him, expectations for other people. The only thing that is important to him, the only thing that matters, is this moment, and the snow.
As Rita Mae Brown is quoted as saying, "I finally figured out that the only reason to be alive, is to enjoy it."
If there is no time to enjoy any part of it, then there's something not working in your life. All too often people forget that life isn't one big thing, it's lots of little things all joined together. And they're not joined together in any neat, compartmentalized pattern where each has its own separate place where it belongs and will stay, they're all tangled together in one seemingly chaotic mess, touching together, tangling, merging, twisting and joining without obvious order or even meaning. Yet as a whole, this tangled, barely organized chaos works. Or it should do.
People who view life as one big thing that they have to 'get right' will always find themselves disappointed. there will always be something that could be better, bigger newer or more abundant, there will always be something missing.
Those who view life as being made up of many small pieces all joined together have more chance of getting the overall balance, the bigger picture, 'right'. Whatever 'right' means for them. There will probably always be parts that they wish were better, bigger, newer, shinier, not so dull or boring, or just plain wrong. However, hopefully there will be enough parts that are right, good, fun and exciting to balance them out and in the end make the good parts outweigh the bad parts when taken as a whole. That, is what makes a good life, not your bank balance, what car you drive or how many pairs of shoes you have.
Looking at life as a collage of smaller pieces, snapshots, there will be some that stand out and almost seem to glow with a life of their own, those are the moments and memories that have the power to make the whole of life a little brighter and better. Of course that does mean it's necessary to actually take the time to notice those moments in the first place, as they're happening, and not simply later as a good memory. Remembering a time when you were happy and enjoying life is one thing, realizing it at the time, as it is happening, is another. It requires time, something too many people don't make, to grab, enjoy and savour those moments - like playing in the snow, stopping to smell freshly bloomed roses, pausing to listen to the wind and the birds in the trees or letting warm summer rain fall on bare skin and savouring the feel of grass between your toes rather than simply hurrying to get from A to B as quickly as possible.
So it took us a little longer to get to the store and back in the snow that day, so what? Did it matter? Not in the slightest in the scheme of things. There was nothing that was so important that a small boy couldn't have the time to enjoy what, for him, was perfect moment.
Kids
So it's May and it's still snowing but at least the winds ahve died down somewhat. So demon gave us a ride and we made it to the mall for Stuff-a-Plush - and now we're home with an adorable duck christened Quacker. Still snowing out there mind you.
Children grow at their own pace and no amount of wishing, commanding or trying to force them will change that. Be realistic, keep your expectations real, and remember that they will grow out of almost everything eventually. the more you stress and struggle to make them into something they aren't ready to be, the harder it will be on everyone concerned.
Kids are only young once, they grow up way too fast so enjoy them while you can. Don't waste precious time that could be spent enjoying them by wishing it away wanting them to be something they aren't. If you don't enjoy them as they are now, whatever that now is, all too soon you'll find they've grown up and are moving away from and into lives of their own, leaving you wishing you could turn back the clock and do it again.
And that isn't going to happen.
Don't miss their childhood by always being focused on reaching the next step, the next goal, the next milestone. Don't aim so hard for that next step that you always miss the ones they're taking right now. Every day is full of things that are new to them, and each day that passes is one that you can never get back again.
Take time, stop and watch the robin hunt for worms, blows bubbles in the bath, make dandelion wishes in the sunshine, make snow angels or just stand still and feel the icy soft touch of snowflakes on your face.
There is already way too much hurry up in this world. The basics of life, work, mundania, will wait a little while, children won't. Far too soon they'll be living their own lives, with their own friends and interests, away at school all day and they won't want us to be a part of their world in the same way. And then, it'll be too late for anything except regrets over the times we missed out on as we hurried them through their childhood.
The best thing we can give our children is time, time to simply be children, time to discover the world as they see it, and time with us. The best thing we can give ourselves is time with them while they are still being children.
No parent ever went to their deathbed thinking "I wish I had spent more time at work and less time with my children."
Childhood is finite, don't waste theirs wishing it away. Once it's gone, you can never get it back, and then you have the rest of your life for regrets.
Children grow at their own pace and no amount of wishing, commanding or trying to force them will change that. Be realistic, keep your expectations real, and remember that they will grow out of almost everything eventually. the more you stress and struggle to make them into something they aren't ready to be, the harder it will be on everyone concerned.
Kids are only young once, they grow up way too fast so enjoy them while you can. Don't waste precious time that could be spent enjoying them by wishing it away wanting them to be something they aren't. If you don't enjoy them as they are now, whatever that now is, all too soon you'll find they've grown up and are moving away from and into lives of their own, leaving you wishing you could turn back the clock and do it again.
And that isn't going to happen.
Don't miss their childhood by always being focused on reaching the next step, the next goal, the next milestone. Don't aim so hard for that next step that you always miss the ones they're taking right now. Every day is full of things that are new to them, and each day that passes is one that you can never get back again.
Take time, stop and watch the robin hunt for worms, blows bubbles in the bath, make dandelion wishes in the sunshine, make snow angels or just stand still and feel the icy soft touch of snowflakes on your face.
There is already way too much hurry up in this world. The basics of life, work, mundania, will wait a little while, children won't. Far too soon they'll be living their own lives, with their own friends and interests, away at school all day and they won't want us to be a part of their world in the same way. And then, it'll be too late for anything except regrets over the times we missed out on as we hurried them through their childhood.
The best thing we can give our children is time, time to simply be children, time to discover the world as they see it, and time with us. The best thing we can give ourselves is time with them while they are still being children.
No parent ever went to their deathbed thinking "I wish I had spent more time at work and less time with my children."
Childhood is finite, don't waste theirs wishing it away. Once it's gone, you can never get it back, and then you have the rest of your life for regrets.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
"It's called the Craft of the Wise, not the Craft of the Nice." Brock.
I heard a story from a friend, made me mad, started me thinking, and I had a Budapest moment.
Some days you wouldn't think we were living in the 21st century. For all the advances that society has made, there are still areas that are positively medieval, and we might as well still be living in the dark ages when men thought women weren't just second class citizens, they were chattel there to do whatever a man wanted whenever he wanted. Think that's not true? Well it is, there are still too many men who think they are better appointed with what women want and need than the women themselves do. That includes men who rape women.
Too many men still think women don't have a right to exert control over their own bodies and what happens to them, and that they have a right to do whatever they want to whoever they want. They believe it is their right to rape a women if she doesn't consent to have sex with them whenever and however they demand it, and that it is her fault and she is the one who should feel guilty.
Whether or not force is used, whether or not the woman knows her attacker, if she is forced, coerced or intimidated into something she doesn't want to do, then it's rape. Women feel guilty, as if it's their fault, they did something wrong and brought it on themselves. No they didn't.
The guilty party is the man, plain and simple. He is the one that did something wrong, he's the one that took away the woman's right to control over her own body, he's the one that violated her. And chances are if he does it once, he'll do it again and he's probably done it before.
There's a myth out there about the stranger waiting in the bushes, but you know, most rapes are committed by people known to their victim. Doesn't matter if they're a date or an acquaintance or a boss or a neighbour, it's still rape. All our lives as women we're told to be careful what we wear, where we go, what we do and who we talk to. The implication being that it's our fault if we get raped, men are somehow unable to help themselves or to resist temptation. Please! Are men so unevolved that they can't contain themselves? I don't think so.
There are plenty of men out there who would never dream of violating a woman in that way - the ones who do are simply using excuses to cover over and avoid their own guilt at doing something that is fundamentally wrong - or, they have a psychological issue because they really believe that they are superior and know better than a woman what she wants or that she is only there to satisfy their every desire for power, control and domination. Doesn't help that society still thinks a man is manly for sleeping with many women, while a woman who does the same is slutty. Society needs some serious attitude adjustments.
Women should never feel guilty for being raped, it was not their fault. It was an act of violence committed against them, without their consent, period. Women have a right to say no, to anyone, at any time. Men actually ARE capable of control, those who rape just like to pretend they aren't because then they don't have to take responsibility for what they're doing. Doesn't matter who she is, every woman has the right to refuse sexual acts, period.
Well you know what, those of you who think it's ok to force someone to have sex with you? Get real, get responsible and get a life. We aren't going to let you get away with it anymore. We, as women, are not responsible for the acts of violence committed against us by men, no matter who they are. And make no mistake, rape is an act of violence, power and control that is enacted through sex. It's about time us girls got together and used whatever means we happen to have at our disposal to deal with you.
And btw anyone who rapes a friend of mine better hope like hell I don't get hold of them, no matter who they are. I will use every means at my disposal to make you face up to the consequences of your actions. And I mean EVERY. She did nothing wrong, you are a repeat offender. Yeah I hear things from many sources. May karmic consequence bite your ass - and I might just help it along. Cupcakism is not for witches.
Some days you wouldn't think we were living in the 21st century. For all the advances that society has made, there are still areas that are positively medieval, and we might as well still be living in the dark ages when men thought women weren't just second class citizens, they were chattel there to do whatever a man wanted whenever he wanted. Think that's not true? Well it is, there are still too many men who think they are better appointed with what women want and need than the women themselves do. That includes men who rape women.
Too many men still think women don't have a right to exert control over their own bodies and what happens to them, and that they have a right to do whatever they want to whoever they want. They believe it is their right to rape a women if she doesn't consent to have sex with them whenever and however they demand it, and that it is her fault and she is the one who should feel guilty.
Whether or not force is used, whether or not the woman knows her attacker, if she is forced, coerced or intimidated into something she doesn't want to do, then it's rape. Women feel guilty, as if it's their fault, they did something wrong and brought it on themselves. No they didn't.
The guilty party is the man, plain and simple. He is the one that did something wrong, he's the one that took away the woman's right to control over her own body, he's the one that violated her. And chances are if he does it once, he'll do it again and he's probably done it before.
There's a myth out there about the stranger waiting in the bushes, but you know, most rapes are committed by people known to their victim. Doesn't matter if they're a date or an acquaintance or a boss or a neighbour, it's still rape. All our lives as women we're told to be careful what we wear, where we go, what we do and who we talk to. The implication being that it's our fault if we get raped, men are somehow unable to help themselves or to resist temptation. Please! Are men so unevolved that they can't contain themselves? I don't think so.
There are plenty of men out there who would never dream of violating a woman in that way - the ones who do are simply using excuses to cover over and avoid their own guilt at doing something that is fundamentally wrong - or, they have a psychological issue because they really believe that they are superior and know better than a woman what she wants or that she is only there to satisfy their every desire for power, control and domination. Doesn't help that society still thinks a man is manly for sleeping with many women, while a woman who does the same is slutty. Society needs some serious attitude adjustments.
Women should never feel guilty for being raped, it was not their fault. It was an act of violence committed against them, without their consent, period. Women have a right to say no, to anyone, at any time. Men actually ARE capable of control, those who rape just like to pretend they aren't because then they don't have to take responsibility for what they're doing. Doesn't matter who she is, every woman has the right to refuse sexual acts, period.
Well you know what, those of you who think it's ok to force someone to have sex with you? Get real, get responsible and get a life. We aren't going to let you get away with it anymore. We, as women, are not responsible for the acts of violence committed against us by men, no matter who they are. And make no mistake, rape is an act of violence, power and control that is enacted through sex. It's about time us girls got together and used whatever means we happen to have at our disposal to deal with you.
And btw anyone who rapes a friend of mine better hope like hell I don't get hold of them, no matter who they are. I will use every means at my disposal to make you face up to the consequences of your actions. And I mean EVERY. She did nothing wrong, you are a repeat offender. Yeah I hear things from many sources. May karmic consequence bite your ass - and I might just help it along. Cupcakism is not for witches.
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