Community

There is a Mexican proverb than in essence says that a house is not built upon the ground but rather upon the woman at its heart.

We are women, we are mother, daughters, sisters, we are the givers of life.

Without us, a house is just a house. We are the heart that beats within, we are the soul that brings a place to life and enables it to grow into a home.

Without us there is less colour, less life, less soul, less vibrancy and less love. We are the ones that turn it into a home, whether it is a mansion, a small apartment, a trailer, a car, a cardboard box or a doorway. We are the ones who care, nurture, tend, love and protect our homes and those within them. It's what we must do.

It is also what we must do for our communities. We are just as much the heart of our community. We need to bring that life, love and nurturing to not only our homes but also to our wider community.

We must join together to breathe life into the community within which we live.  We must take it, shape it and nurture it, make it our own and help to create a strong, vibrant, living community for who live within it.

It is time to call on the memories of women of old, our mothers, and grandmothers, throughout time who did exactly that without even thinking about it. Community was a way of life for them, not something to work at or think about, simply something they did, every day. They were the beating heart not only of their families but also of their wider community.

It is time to assume the mantle that they bequeathed to us that was forgotten by progress and the advancement of civilization,  for if there was ever a time the world needed us to create community, that time may well be now.

Neighbours no longer know neighbours, families are scattered across the county and across the world. Community once had meaning, when joys, and tragedies, felt by one were felt and shared by all.

In many ways progress is a good thing, occasionally though there is a need to step back and recreate something from the past, in our own way, for our own time, and make it new and relevant again. It is time now to make community mean something again, not some vague ideal, rather a living breathing reality for the benefit of all who live there.

Anti-Wicca book = nothing new

Ok so as some of my twitter friends know I've been reading one of those anti-wicca books today - I've read several over time and if that's how they feel and they feel strongly enough to not only put it into words but also get it published, then more power to them, in that respect. Sadly, like many of them, this one has little respect for anyone or anything that/who doesn't agree with his way of thinking. Oh and his "facts" leave much to be desired on occasion.

He clearly has issues with girls/women/females wanting to empower themselves and with their taking issue with the male dominated hierarchy of mainstream Christianity - well it IS male dominated and hierarchical. "What's with all this girl-friendly stuff?"

Apparently "Wicca is a fashion-trend statement' - never realized I was a fashion trend setter lol Ok I'd never call myself Wiccan to anyone in the pagan community who understands what Wiccan is or isn't but I get called it a lot by mainstream culture and people and it's not SO far off that it's totally wrong from their perspective. It works as a label and a conversation starter. Although oddly enough most of my on pagan friends just call me the witch anyway. Go figure.

Just so we all know, Wicca is bogus, it's a creation of the devil, it leads to hell and damnation, etc, etc. Same old same old. Although as a Wicca 101 this book has sections that work! For someone denouncing Wicca and witchcraft as false and evil he does a decent job of giving teenagers (his professed intended audience) a basic guide to 101 Wicca.

Ok and now I'm tired of this - there's nothing new, nothing different. He is, like many others, trying to enforce his beliefs on others and to disrespect and denigrate the beliefs of others. I might waste time reading it and possibly even exchanging conversation about it - Mari - but I'm sure not going to lose any sleep over worrying about whether or not I'm being 'deceived by Satan'. And I still care about the earth and environmental concerns even if he sees no need to because his God will take care of everything.

question is, if his faith is as strong as he professes then why is he so threatened by the fastest growing religion in north America? And by women. And by freedom of choice. Suddenly I find myself wondering if he is an advocate of surrendered wives?

Oh and FYI being able to quote the bible means nothing to me, I took 5 years compulsory religious knowledge in school so I know my bible too - maybe not without looking, but well enough ;)

WTF and DV

What is it with the world these days, is human life really that cheap now? Some guy has his throat slashed by three guys so they can steal his skates? Seriously?
Another guy gets shot and killed at work because he allegedly annoyed the wrong person and had a hit called on him?
Another guy gets shot multiple times at home, yet another at work?
A guy gets beaten with a bat by people who burst into his house in the early morning?

I mean, come on.... I know I've said before that the world is going to hell in a hand basket - between weather, earth activity, government, loss of liberty, wars, yadda yadda yadda, but apparently that's not enough, people are queuing up for those hand baskets to hell. Sheesh.

Oh and btw pretty sure I know why three cop cars and an ambulance were outside my place (not AT my place, using the parking lot outside) and it gives me reason to once again mention that Domestic Violence, by anyone, against anyone is NOT acceptable. Period. And every person who knows of, sees or suspects that someone is being abused or abusing someone else, and remains silent is enabling and validating the abuser and doing jackshit for the victim.

Calgary has one of the highest rates of Domestic Violence and abuse in Canada and everyone who stays silent or looks the other way is helping keep that record.

And don't give me crap about not getting involved.... Domestic Violence is not acceptable, Silence is NOT an option. Pet peeve ya know.

Random Thoughts For The Day

Still cold, sun is shining, sky is blue, such is Calgary #yyc today. My neighbour just had twin girls a few days ago, three and a half and five pounds, doing good in NICU.

#RAOK - Random Acts Of kindness, something that has been on my mind the last few days, and on other people's too apparently. Share cookies with your neighbours, smile and say Hi to a stranger, buy a coffee for the person behind you in Timmy's, do something, for someone, for no reason.

Calgary Herald Christmas Fund - Give generously

Apparently I also still have that sign above my head that says "Crazy, high, depressed or just lonely? Come talk to me"

Wondering if I can somehow use washable paint to colour snow? Suggestions for colouring snow? Got one of my crazy ideas.... Everyone needs a little colour and magic in their lives, right? ;)

Fell into an interesting little something with #QCC, and while it might be a few days yet before I can hit the store or the post office due to weather delays, I think it's gonna be a fun thing and interesting too. Interesting and fun bunch of ladies :)

Spirits are still around, though quiet for the most part right now but I'm thinking THAT is a topic for another post, Spook Central deserves it's own space.

Halloween Pagans

Another thing that came up was Halloween pagans. I'm guessing every religion has their equivalent o Christmas Christians, those who only claim their religion once or twice a year and then forget about it for the rest of the year. We get the ones who come out on Halloween, and then spend the rest of the year calling witchcraft evil.

Yes there are some who are still in the Broom Closet and for them Halloween is the one time of the year it's socially acceptable to be a witch or a pagan or whatever - although in some places even on Halloween it's not acceptable but that's another matter.
And then there are the ones who just want a brief, safe, thrill, or to shock a neighbour or play - gotta say it - those who want a chance to "dabble" safely without any consequences.

Oh please. Paganism in whatever form is a way of life, not a dress you put on once a year. Same applies to any religion - either walk the walk or go play somewhere I can't see or hear you. I don't care what religion anyone is if it's real to them, dabblers and those who pay lip service but don't mean it - I don't have time for.

Please note, seekers, those looking for answers or being curious, that's not the same thing and that's fine - they're looking and asking, not pretending to be something they aren't.

Apparently my inner bitch is awake this morning :/

Starhawk

Something else that came up in conversation was Starhawk. Her Spiral Dance is pretty much universally considered a 'must read', and it's one I usually include in any list of books to read when asked that inevitable question - "What would you recommend?"

Comment was made though that many of her other works are more political, and they are, which isn't a bad thing. For a start it's very much a part of who she is and how she lives her life. It does however mean that her other works are not everyone's cup of tea. Personally I have several of her books, and in honesty those I don't have are missing more because i haven't run across them yet when I had spare cash rather than because I don't want them.

Apparently I'm more political at heart than most people would give me credit for ;) I always knew that, other people just don't notice lol

Whatever your opinion on Starhawk and her books, they are good and contain much of interest to Pagans, and everyone else, they're just not for everyone in the same way not everyone likes peanut butter.

The Burning Times and the Islands

There's a lot of heated debate surrounding the "Burning Times", the Inquisition, Witch hunts and everything associated with it.

I grew up in a place where they did burn witches and heretics. They burned them, hung them and more. Burning, as in the infamous image of burning them at the stake, was largely a European practise, though not a British one. The British preferred that their witches 'hang by the neck until dead'.

Except in the Channel Islands. There hanging was only one of several methods of punishment meted out to those convicted of witchcraft. Other sentences included banishment - for life or for a fixed term, burning, disfigurement or lashes.

There's a book, Witchcraft and Devil Lore in the Channel Islands that not only tells the story of witchcraft in the islands but also details the names and sentences of those accused of witchcraft and brought before the courts. The list is taken from the original french court records that still lie in the island archives.

"June 4th, 1624.

Ester Henry, wife of Jean de France.

This woman was burnt alive. The sentence states that her flesh and bones are to be reduced to ashes and scattered by the winds, as being unworthy of any sepulture."

The witch hunts, and witchcraft, are just one part of the history of islands steeped in myth, legend and history.

Ancestors

Inspired by Tanila's comments about ancestors and ancestor photos I had to go find this. Samhain is coming, time to remember those who came before.

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It's not just our personal past we should remember for it's part in making us who and where we are now. We should also remember the people and the generations who have gone before us, our parents and grandparents and the many generations beyond them, lost now to the haze of history. They each had their part to play in how we came to be who and where we are now.

Most people don't think too much about their ancestors, and most people don't need to. It does seem though that there really is at least one born into every generation who does care, who is driven to find and document them and to rediscover them before they are lost to obscurity forever. Driven to put names, places, faces and dates together, to piece together some parts of their stories, be they happy, sad, tragic or heroic, for each of them did have their own story.

Perhaps it's the modern day equivalent of being the storyteller, the one who preserved for the next generation the tales of myth and legend, the stories of hardship and celebration, and shared them with everyone else during long winter nights huddled together around the fire. Maybe those who are driven to uncover family history are simply the modern day incarnation of an ancient tradition.

There will always be skeletons hidden away that some would prefer be forgotten, there will be heroes and homemakers, adventurers, rascals, scoundrels and simple hardworking men who did nothing more remarkable in their lives than toil day in and day out to keep their families housed and fed. They are all a part of our past and deserve to be remembered.

"Putting together a family tree is like weaving an intricate multi-dimensional tapestry without knowing anything about the final design, because that final design doesn't exist."
Peter Baltensperger - Roaming in Ancestral Cycles.

Some people will always be little more than names and dates, the rest of their story already forgotten. Others will carry more colour, the sadness of children lost in infancy, the joys of children surviving to adulthood and producing offspring of their own. Still others come to life in faded photographs, or put a name to previously anonymous face, or turn out to be the grain of truth behind an old family anecdote.

Better that someone collect and record the fragments so that it remains available for the next generation than for their stories, great or small, to be lost, for once they are lost they might be gone forever.

Some families lived generations in the same place, working the same land, facing the same struggles to raise their families. They deserve to be remembered too, or do we want to forget the Audoires, French descended farmers raising generations on rough farmland on a tiny windswept island? Like Jane, who raised thirteen children there before her eldest son, Peter Henry, inherited the farmland and sold it off, using the proceeds to buy her the 'first real house' she had ever lived in.

Do we want to forget the Patton boys of Grayson county, Virginia, who left behind wives and children to fight for the Confederacy, in defence of their homeland and for what they believed was right? Leftwich and Creed Patton, close as brothers could be, grew up together, enlisted to fight together, forever torn apart when Leftwich was killed at the Battle of Middle Creek. Creed fought on, leading his company through the rest of the war before he finally returned home.

Or should we forget the women they left behind to hold home and family together not knowing when or if they would see their menfolk again? Or the Patton sisters, Cynthia and Martha, who devoted years to helping raise Leftwich's children after he was killed in the War Between the States, four small children who never had a chance to know their father.

The same goes for the Guernseymen who volunteered to fight a war they could not drafted into because they believed it was right. Many marched away to the Great War and a lot of them never returned home, and many of those who did return were never the same again. Should we forget the women and families they left behind? Or the babies who died, as so many did in times past, before they ever had a chance at life?

Perhaps we should forget the women like the two Nancy Patton's, of different lines and generations, who each defied society, convention and church to raise the children they bore outside wedlock, and whose children each married and raised large families of their own. Or the Guernseman who stood before God and congregation on his wedding day and declared that the child his new wife held in her arms was his? Was it? who knows, it doesn't matter, his declaration is forever recorded immediately below his marriage in the church register and it would have taken a brave man to call it other than truth.

Perhaps we could ignore the quarrymen, like Thomas Smith Brown, who did nothing more than work long back breaking days quarrying granite in Guernsey, a world away from their native Devon and Cornwall. Or maybe immigrants like the Aeicheles who came from Russia, Poland and Germany, halfway around the world in search of a better life in Canada and America?

Maybe the Whalleys and Kays from Lancashire, who were 'only' miners and weavers, the very backbone of life in the north of England. Maybe the interestingly mis-transcribed "card loom worker" who was listed as the much more mysterious and exotic sounding "card Room Worker" when one census was released. Or perhaps the Scottish tenant farmer, William Murray, a man of obvious means, who late in life married the innkeeper's daughter and raised a large family.

Could we forget Cornish born Susan Jane who literally married the boy next door, then followed him to Canada with their children, suffering the loss of one child before she even reached Manitoba? Or Cecil, who was invalided out of the Great War, and had to wear his silver discharge badge so as to avoid being accused of cowardice? One war wasn't enough for him, for he also endured four long years of his island home being occupied by invading German forces, separated from the wife and child he had evacuated to safety in Rochester, and facing the same near starvation as everyone else who remained behind on the island, a starvation only alleviated by the ships of the Red Cross.

They all have a part in the story of our past, they are our roots, they are part of the foundation on which we can build our future, without any one of them we wouldn't be here. And for that, they deserve to be remembered.

Dabblegate

Somehow I don't think Christine O'Donnell ever expected to become a teaching aid and opportunity for the
Pagan community.

Thanks almost entirely to her own efforts to apparently play it down, Dabblegate isn't going to be forgotten any time soon. And you know, that may not be an entirely bad thing - bad for her, not so bad for the Pagan community.

I was struck today by the realization that Dabblegate and Christine O'Donnell could actually turn out to be good for the Pagan community.

Let me explain. In the beginning was her now infamous comment about 'dabbling in witchcraft' in high school and having a date one a 'satanic altar'. Her comments were just another rerun of old, worn misinformed stereotype - although in one fell swoop she did manage to irritate both Pagans and Satanists alike - no mean feat. Pretty sure she didn't win herself any voters either but that's her problem.

Christine O'Donnell did, however, provide what Rev, Selena Fox called a 'teachable moment', and Selena, T Thorn Coyle and many others have been swift to make the most of that moment, publicly and privately, nationally and locally, to set the record straight as to what paganism is and who Pagans are.

Christine O'Donnell's denials, and her attempt to defuse the situation and salvage her candidacy probably sealed her loss of the Pagan vote when she tried to say that her 'dabbling' was simply a result of her hanging out with undesirables in high school.

Certainly her comments have given Paganism in general and witches in particular a moment in the national media spotlight, and there are enough well known Pagans willing to speak publicly to set the record straight. It has been a perfect chance to get accurate information out there in a calm, civilized way with a hint of humour. That in itself may well do the Pagan community more good in the long run than any amount of 'we do not worship the devil' type statements.

Then Christine O'Donnel comes out with her "I am not a witch" campaign ad, while looking as if she had stepped straight off the set of "Charmed". My first thought was that i would love to make an ad that began "I am a witch" and apparently i was far from alone in that thought. So far today I have seen two, and I just know that is going to be the tip of the iceberg - one kind lady http://aquakerwitch.blogspot.com/ is going to collect up all the links she can find and assemble them in one place.

Christine O'Donnell's misguided, ill informed comments see to have backfired and brought out many Pagans and united them in a way that doesn't happen every day. She has given us a chance, both individually and as a community, to stand up and speak out and offer accurate, straightforward information and to show that we don't have two heads or bat wings - we are just people with morals, ethics and our own religions.

And she has also managed to crack open the door of the Broom Closet a little wide than it was before, and that can only be a good thing .

Yep, call me odd, but I can see many ways that as time passes we could well come to see Dabblegate as a good thing for witches, pagans, and the Pagan community.
Pretty sure it won't go down in history as a good thing for Christine O'Donnell though, unless she one day decides to come out of the Broom Closet. And I'm pretty sure she has permanently lost the Pagan vote. Sorry Christine.

Date rape

So in the previous vein, women also seem to be conditioned to let men get away with a lot of things - to let them have sex even if the woman isn't in the mood or doesn't want to - technically if it's against her will, it's rape.

The stereotypical image of a rapist is some guy lurking in the bushes who jumps out on some unsuspecting young woman - you know what? That's a myth perpetuated by people who don't want to admit that most rapes are actually carried out by someone known to the victim. And if she doesn't want to have sex, then date rape is still rape. Marital rape does exist. It is NOT a man's right to have sex with her just because she is his wife. It is not a man's right to have sex with a woman just because they were alone together or they went to a movie. Is it any wonder that the vast majority of rapes go unreported?

Sometimes you wish you could take the law into your own hands, but of course you can't. One person however made use of her right to free speech.
Outted rapist

What struck me most wasn't that she used facebook to out the guys, it was these three points, especially the third.

1. The system fails women. Again and again. Campus and law-enforcement response to sexual assault is often inadequate at best, traumatic at worst. And schools are reluctant to treat acquaintance rapes (aka the majority of rapes) as crimes worthy of alerting all students about. These system failures essentially give offenders license to rape again.

2. Women already share this type of information informally -- and have since long before Facebook. Women in a particular industry warn each other about which bosses are sexist and which coworkers are harassers. We discuss previous relationship violence we have experienced and caution friends against dating those men. We are often each other's best support and resource.

3. Rapists are likely to be repeat offenders. This was Rubenstein's primary motivation for making the Facebook posting: "I felt like I needed to warn everyone else about these guys," she said. The comments at Jezebel (where Amanda's post was reposted) are full of women's stories of being raped by an acquaintance who went on to rape other women.

Throughout history women have shared stories, exchanged gossip, and sometimes that gossip actually had/has substance - women talking together can just as easily convey important information as share ideas in how to wash their man's pants! Shocking I know lol But sometimes we actually DO talk about important things in life, and share info on someone who has hurt one of our sisters Is a very important thing to share. And make no mistake, we ARE all sisters, we are all women, we have that in common and what affects one of us has the potential to affect us all.

As for the third point, the majority of date rapists have done it before and WILL do it again. So, you may be wondering, why don't women report them? Because first you have point one - the system doesn't make it easy to do so, the investigation and gathering of evidence is invasive and humiliating and requires a woman to relieve the ordeal repeatedly, something she is in state to deal with after the trauma of being raped in the first place.

Because many victims of date rape are ashamed of having put themselves in that position in the first place, they think it's their fault - which it isn't. They think people will blame them for the wrong clothes, or leading him on, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Victim blaming is still endemic in our society, especially in cases of rape and other violent acts against women - too many people still think "She deserved it" or "She asked for it". You know what? No woman ever asks to be raped or abused, whether by her boyfriend, her date, her neighbour or a complete stranger, period.

Rape, whether date rape, stranger rape or whatever, has absolutely NOTHING to do with SEX and EVERYTHING to do with a male need for POWER over, CONTROL of and VIOLENCE towards the victim. There's a reason rape is used as a weapon of war - and it's not because soldiers need sex. It's because it's a vicious, violent weapon that affects on multiple levels.

Victims think no-one will believe them - any case of he said she said is difficult to prove, especially rape - he says they were having rough sex, she says she was raped, there are no witnesses - chances are not good that he'll be found guilty of anything either by the law or by society. Sorry, but sad as it is that is a reflection on both society and the law which has to consider someone innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt - not that that helps out the victims. It's just the way it is.

And no victim really wants to relive what they just went through, probably multiple times, in front of male police officers, court officials, lawyers, judges... you get the idea.

I can understand why, however, that brings us back to point two again - any victim has the right now to go to the authorities if that's what she chooses but she shouldn't remain silent within her own circle of sisters. The chances are very good that if he has raped her, then he's done it to other people, and he will do it again. We have to continue to talk to each other, to protect each other. As soon as one victim of date rape speaks out, you can almost guarantee others will speak up and the only way anything will ever be done about these perpetrators is when enough people know and stand up to them and call them to account for their actions.

In my book, Chloe Rubenstein did what she thought she needed to do to protect other women, to protect her sisters. We all need to look out for each other, we all need to stand together instead of blaming the victims, we need to stand against those who think date rape, rape, abuse and violence are ok. We need to remember we are all in this together and find some sisterhood.

And we need some way of warning other women to at least be wary and be careful when around someone who has committed such an offence. There's a reason women gossip - sometimes it's for mutual protection.

Feminism

So there are lot of misconceptions about feminism and feminists, not least that all feminists are man hating, lumber jacking lesbians or some such who want to overthrow men and do away with family and all kinds of similar notions.

[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. ~Pat Robertson.

Need I say more? Unfortunately it's a well heard view, and part of the reason a lot of women don't think of themselves as feminists even when they are.

fem·i·nism
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. (sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3. feminine character.

fem·i·nism
1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.
2. The movement organized around this belief.

Maybe it's just that feminism is all about equality, parity and women standing up for themselves, each other, and our rights and protections as human beings. That seems to be scary to too many men in the world - and the idea of owning their own power and standing up for themselves as equals is apparently scary to some women too. From childhood girls are taught to be good, behave, be obedient, be nice, be subservient to the men in their lives - yes even in our supposedly civilized western society.

"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." ~Rebecca West

Society needs an attitude change because too many people still think that women should be doormats, unable to say no or refute any demand made on them - whoever by.

(There will be more on this topic lol)

Books - Chick Lit LOL

Books I have read and own that I think every free thinking woman should read:

Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
Spider Woman's Web
Holy Book of Women's Mysteries
Standing Together
Our Bodies, Ourselves
Women Who Run With Wolves
Truth or Dare
Awakening Intuition

There are more, I know there are, but after restarting my library from scratch I cannot remember. Suggestions are welcome....

Alicia

So I was thinking about what Alicia said - "It truly bothers me, an underlying theme in our community, that women (even in positions of leadership) are to be silent to 'keep the peace' to allow others to infringe upon our rights and the rights of others, to allow the cycle of abuse to run rampant. Every time I speak out, it garners some very strange reactions."

And she does get some interesting reactions for not being the 'good, quiet obedient girl' that too many people, not all men, would prefer her to be. Yet she should be speaking up, she shouldn't be silent just because some people are uncomfortable with the things she has to say about rape, domestic violence, women's rights, aboriginal rights and many other subjects. They are things that need saying, they address issues, behaviour and facts that need to be brought into the light and dealt with. We need more people who are willing to do that, even in the face of opposition and denial.

We need more people like her who are willing to stand tall, speak their mind and call it like it is, especially on the many taboo subjects in our society. People are going to find it uncomfortable because they would rather these things be swept under the carpet and left there. Well you know what? Sweeping things under the carpet doesn't make them go away. We need to stand up and make people face facts and deal with them.

Alicia also made another point, that as a priestess silence is not an option. She is expected and required to stand up and say what needs to be said. As she put it "The Gods have no respect for cowardice..." Especially some of them. I understand where she's coming from with that one, and no it's not an easy road to walk, even the Gods agree on that. It is, however, a necessary one, and a road that Alicia walks with strength, intelligence, dignity and fire. She is an outstanding person, priestess, pagan and activist. In my opinion the world could use a few more women like her.

My mum

It's been ten years now, and yet every day I miss her. I still want to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end - and I never will, and that kills me.
Same as it kills me that she has four grandchildren, one who was only a baby when she died, and one, she will never know. And he will never know her. And she would have adored him as she adored the other three.
I try not to remember her as she was at the end, I prefer to remember her as she was before that - as she was when I was a child and as she was even when her two oldest grandchildren were babies. Then, she was a strong, determined woman who taught me many things that have shaped who I am today. I don't need to remember her as she was once life, and men, destroyed her, I knew her when she was so much more than that - back before she lost the love of her life.

Only now do I realize how much I owe her, how much she shaped who I am. Because only now can I see what I couldn't define back then when it happened and understand why she did what she did. Only now do I understand how hard it was for her to be who she was, to give birth to me in the first place as an unmarried mother, to raise me though she never married my step father, (the love of her life, may he rest in peace forever) in the place and with the people she was with, and only now do I really understand why she gave up.

I've always accepted that she simply couldn't take any more after everything that she had put up with, I always knew that losing the love of her life first to another woman and then to cancer - and helping his new wife through that loss - in addition to her own recent loss of the asshole she called a boyfriend - was simply too much - I just never truly understood how she could quit and give up - I accepted it as her choice but I didn't understand it - now I do.

That doesn't matter - what matters is that I realize that she gave me so much more than life, she introduced me to worlds I will never forget, she gave me freedoms I could wish for all children, she taught me many things I can only hope to pass on to my children, she loved those of her grandchildren that she knew, and she loved me. Regardless of what I did or didn't do, she loved me.

And no matter if it is one year, ten years or a hundred years, I will always miss the fact that I can no longer pick up a phone, dial a number, and hear her voice.

Rest in peace, whether with your gods or mine, Mum, for I love you, now and for always, in this world and the next. May my Lady bless you for all time.
Love you Mum.

Today, sunflowers, bubbles and chalk

Today we went to the North Pole aka the park to play, blowing bubbles, drawing hopscotch with sidewalk chalk and planting sunflowers. This world could always use a little more magic in it. Ok so International Sunflower planting day might have been a little over a week ago but we've had two snowstorms in the last fortnight so..... We'll see what happens. But I'm making food and I have an hour or so, theoretically, of peace - relatively speaking, so this could be the time of random postings. Well I did warn you that posting could be erratic, random and usually less than coherent ;)

Partly that is because as always there are many thoughts running through my head in tandem, all vying for their turn at 'top spot'. You'll see - or you can run away now.

"Many women today feel a sadness we cannot name. Though we accomplish much of what we set out to do, we sense that something is missing in our lives, and - fruitlessly - search 'out there' for the answers. What's often wrong is that we are disconnected from an authentic sense of self." Emily Hancock.

And that doesn't just apply to women, especially in terms of some of the thoughts that have been chasing each other through my head lately and showing up in conversations with a friend or two. Anyway I told a friend I'd try and get some of my stray thoughts and scribbled notes into something resembling sentences - not coherence - just sentences for now. So that is what I'm going to try and do, on a variety of topics. Be afraid, be very afraid he he

Following on...

"Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences."
Susan B Anthony.

So.... watching so many of my friends suffer from "shit happens" always makes me think, not always in nice ways either. You see, while I am largely a nice person, somewhere inside me there's a bitch and every once in a while she gets let loose. Like a good friend of mine, I'll take a lot, and put up with a lot, and stay quiet, calm and whatever through a lot, but, (you knew there was a but didn't you?) BUT somewhere, depending on the topic and the people involved, there WILL be a line in the sand and if anyone steps over that line they better watch out. Oftentimes it takes a lot, but once that line is crossed, the gloves are off. There's a few people out there who have experienced that for themselves and you know, I make no apologies for it. It's not something that happens often, so when it does, it's generally for a reason.

Anyway, I was digressing. I was watching the soap opera that is life, and I was thinking, and I actually got sad and frustrated...

Why is it that so many women fall for that totally ridiculous fallacy that says "I'm attached therefore I exist"???? (Don't make me name names lol) Seriously. Even when I was in a place where I was beginning to wonder if I, as a person, existed, it wasn't because i didn't have a man, it was because I didn't want the one I had and there were a few things in the way of losing him.

"Women tend to make a relationship their life, their identity, while men make it a part of their lives." Now how freakin true is that? And how wrong.....
Nobody is going to love you if you don't love yourself, and nobody is going to respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to expect them to.

Too many women are so busy trying to make him want them that they fail to stop and ask themselves if they want him in the first place.

Some women are so desperate not to be alone with themselves that they go to lengths that make the rest of us go "WTF?!?!?" They're the ones who not only put up with behaviour most of us would consider unacceptable, they take the blame for his doing it in the first place, and somehow makes themselves responsible for his bad behaviour. So he doesn't have to accept responsibility for anything, there are no consequences of whatever he did and is free to do it again, indeed he's almost validated in his behaviour.

I swear sometimes I not only don't understand the human species, I don't even understand my own gender. Okay maybe I do understand, I just don't like it.

Life stuff and stray thoughts

Well I never did promise sanity, sense, coherence or anything else remotely related. Just adding in a few older posts while I try and figure out what I'm supposed to be doing this afternoon - and then figure out what I'll actually do lol
Weather is too crappy for another trip out so that'll have to wait... might have to call another buddy who's having a 'shit happens' week. Life can be a really... interesting thing sometimes - not always in a good way even when things happen that are probably for the best in the long term - they still aren't any fun at all in the short term. Sucks to be going through it and I feel for her, I really do. Sometimes in life there is no "right" answer, no "correct" solution, only better or worse, or a lesser evil, or dealing with what comes, somehow, as best you can.

No-one round here knows her, and no-one knows who I'm talking about except me and her and that's how it'll stay. Imagine being single, less than young, and finding out you're pregnant, and knowing abortion is not a choice you want to make - although like me she firmly believes that abortion should always be a legally available option for any woman - her personal choice is not. So that's out, yet, on the other hand, all practical considerations aside, and all of us with kids know there are PLENTY of those, you also know that if you carry this child, there's every chance you'll get as sick as last time, and in fact you were warned that you shouldn't have any more children as being pregnant again would pose a high risk of killing you. I remember how sick she was last time. When life happens, it happens good and hard! Love you girl.

Life seems to happening a little too much to several of my friends lately - for starters I'll be glad when Mercury retrograde is over! Relationships starting, ending, going pants - for umpteenth time.... not to mention all the rest of the crap going on. Life may be what it is, but sometimes it seems to happen hard and fast.

Anyway.... "Every action comes with a price, be prepared to pay that price and then do what you will." Elspeth Sapphire (hope I remembered that correctly!)

"It's called the Craft of the Wise, not the Craft of the Nice." Brock.

I heard a story from a friend, made me mad, started me thinking, and I had a Budapest moment.

Some days you wouldn't think we were living in the 21st century. For all the advances that society has made, there are still areas that are positively medieval, and we might as well still be living in the dark ages when men thought women weren't just second class citizens, they were chattel there to do whatever a man wanted whenever he wanted. Think that's not true? Well it is, there are still too many men who think they are better appointed with what women want and need than the women themselves do. That includes men who rape women.

Too many men still think women don't have a right to exert control over their own bodies and what happens to them, and that they have a right to do whatever they want to whoever they want. They believe it is their right to rape a women if she doesn't consent to have sex with them whenever and however they demand it, and that it is her fault and she is the one who should feel guilty.

Whether or not force is used, whether or not the woman knows her attacker, if she is forced, coerced or intimidated into something she doesn't want to do, then it's rape. Women feel guilty, as if it's their fault, they did something wrong and brought it on themselves. No they didn't.

The guilty party is the man, plain and simple. He is the one that did something wrong, he's the one that took away the woman's right to control over her own body, he's the one that violated her. And chances are if he does it once, he'll do it again and he's probably done it before.

There's a myth out there about the stranger waiting in the bushes, but you know, most rapes are committed by people known to their victim. Doesn't matter if they're a date or an acquaintance or a boss or a neighbour, it's still rape. All our lives as women we're told to be careful what we wear, where we go, what we do and who we talk to. The implication being that it's our fault if we get raped, men are somehow unable to help themselves or to resist temptation. Please! Are men so unevolved that they can't contain themselves? I don't think so.

There are plenty of men out there who would never dream of violating a woman in that way - the ones who do are simply using excuses to cover over and avoid their own guilt at doing something that is fundamentally wrong - or, they have a psychological issue because they really believe that they are superior and know better than a woman what she wants or that she is only there to satisfy their every desire for power, control and domination. Doesn't help that society still thinks a man is manly for sleeping with many women, while a woman who does the same is slutty. Society needs some serious attitude adjustments.

Women should never feel guilty for being raped, it was not their fault. It was an act of violence committed against them, without their consent, period. Women have a right to say no, to anyone, at any time. Men actually ARE capable of control, those who rape just like to pretend they aren't because then they don't have to take responsibility for what they're doing. Doesn't matter who she is, every woman has the right to refuse sexual acts, period.

Well you know what, those of you who think it's ok to force someone to have sex with you? Get real, get responsible and get a life. We aren't going to let you get away with it anymore. We, as women, are not responsible for the acts of violence committed against us by men, no matter who they are. And make no mistake, rape is an act of violence, power and control that is enacted through sex. It's about time us girls got together and used whatever means we happen to have at our disposal to deal with you.

And btw anyone who rapes a friend of mine better hope like hell I don't get hold of them, no matter who they are. I will use every means at my disposal to make you face up to the consequences of your actions. And I mean EVERY. She did nothing wrong, you are a repeat offender. Yeah I hear things from many sources. May karmic consequence bite your ass - and I might just help it along. Cupcakism is not for witches.

Abortion

“I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.”
Rebecca West

Abortion is always a contentious issue - everyone has an opinion - even when they say they don't. In some places, like America, it's an even more heated debate, and one for which each of us should reach our own personal decision. It is also one on which many people, myself included, are very passionate.

Bottom line is that while I, personally, could (probably) never have an abortion because it goes against my personal beliefs, I will always be pro choice because I believe that the right to a legal, medical abortion is a necessity in any civilized society that gives half a damn about the health, mental and physical, of women and children.
Banning abortion does not stop people from wanting terminations, it simply sends them to back street abortionists and underground clinics where they don't get the care or treatment they need. Banning abortion simply results in an increase in unnecessary deaths and injuries from illegal abortions and an increase in unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies. It also has a negative effect on prenatal health, infant mortality, and maternal health - and on the physical and emotional health of the unwilling mothers who feel coerced into having a child they cannot cope with or do not want.

Pregnancy and childbirth is the leading cause of death, worldwide, for young women, so why add to that number by denying them access to safe, clinical, medical terminations?

Thanks to certain factions it's immensely complicated in America as it varies by state. And freedom of speech means that we have to allow people to give voice to their opinion even when we disagree with them - I may completely disagree with your point of view but I will defend your right to say it - even when it sucks! Which also means I have a right to say that I think legal abortion is a necessary thing. Deal.

Free speech against abortion - ok
Protesting against those who perform or permit abortion - ok
Lying to vulnerable women to persuade them to carry a pregnancy to term - not ok
Killing doctors who perform medically safe abortions - not ok
Bombing clinics and/or harassing staff - not ok

The specifics that got me so irritated the last few days? How is it fair or just or moral to tell someone who was raped, or the victim of incest, that they cannot terminate? How can forcing them to carry their pregnancy to term somehow "empower them" and help them recover from the trauma that they have been through? Especially when that person was raped by their stepfather - someone they should have been able to trust? And especially when that victim is only ten years old? HOW can forcing a child to carry a baby to term ever be considered "The right thing to do" ?

http://www.feministing.com/archives/020866.html

Whatever happens as a result of the alleged incest and rape charges against her stepfather, the girl is past the point at which she is permitted a legal abortion anyway. She has to carry to term - gods willing, and may the Goddess protect her - she needs it. She is TEN for crying out loud. No ten year old should be becoming a mother for any reason, least of all this one. And it's not as if she's an isolated victim. It happens all too often across the world.

I don't promise coherence, but I stand by what I believe, and I believe that for many different reasons, legal, medical abortion should be an option. For ten year olds who shouldn't be pregnant in the first place by whatever means, for rape victims, for those who consider it their best, or only, option, for teenage girls who made a mistake.

Domestic violence

So recently it was International Women's Day, and in light of that I have a question for all Calgarians. Ok, for everyone out there, but specifically for Calgarians.

How many abused women and victims of domestic violence did you speak to on that day? Now how many of you answered "None." ? Chances are you did talk to at least one, you just didn't know it. Domestic violence is one of the most silent epidemics in the province.
While not all victims of domestic violence are women, the vast majority are and they could be anyone. It could happen to your sister, your neighbour, the girl you work with or that quiet woman you saw on the bus. It is no respecter of race, class, colour, creed or income.

Alberta has the highest provincial rate of domestic violence in Canada. According to the Alberta Council of Women's Shelters, last fiscal year they took on 6,156 women and 5,285 children to their 42 shelters - women and children who were in imminent danger of further assault or even homicide. They also had to turn away another 10,364 women and 6,747 children for a lack of space and/or funding.

Because of the silence that surrounds domestic violence and the fear of it's victims, few realize that there is even a problem until desperation drives a woman to seek help from somewhere such as the ACWS. Last fiscal year they fielded 35,000 calls to their crisis lines. The silence of those around who pretend not to see or don't want to see is the abuser's biggest safety net. It's long past time we ended that silence and held them accountable.

How many victims of domestic violence did I speak to on that day? On that one day I spoke to my step sister, a survivor of domestic abuse, and to my best friend, another survivor. If she were still alive I would have spoken to my mother since she was another victim, one who the laws where she lived could not protect. Online I spoke to more who are survivors. It's happened to my family, to people I know, chances are it has happened and is happening now, to people you know too.

So, let me ask you again - On International Women's Day, on any particular day, how many victims of Domestic Violence did you speak to? Probably more than you think. Time to break the silence.