Date rape

So in the previous vein, women also seem to be conditioned to let men get away with a lot of things - to let them have sex even if the woman isn't in the mood or doesn't want to - technically if it's against her will, it's rape.

The stereotypical image of a rapist is some guy lurking in the bushes who jumps out on some unsuspecting young woman - you know what? That's a myth perpetuated by people who don't want to admit that most rapes are actually carried out by someone known to the victim. And if she doesn't want to have sex, then date rape is still rape. Marital rape does exist. It is NOT a man's right to have sex with her just because she is his wife. It is not a man's right to have sex with a woman just because they were alone together or they went to a movie. Is it any wonder that the vast majority of rapes go unreported?

Sometimes you wish you could take the law into your own hands, but of course you can't. One person however made use of her right to free speech.
Outted rapist

What struck me most wasn't that she used facebook to out the guys, it was these three points, especially the third.

1. The system fails women. Again and again. Campus and law-enforcement response to sexual assault is often inadequate at best, traumatic at worst. And schools are reluctant to treat acquaintance rapes (aka the majority of rapes) as crimes worthy of alerting all students about. These system failures essentially give offenders license to rape again.

2. Women already share this type of information informally -- and have since long before Facebook. Women in a particular industry warn each other about which bosses are sexist and which coworkers are harassers. We discuss previous relationship violence we have experienced and caution friends against dating those men. We are often each other's best support and resource.

3. Rapists are likely to be repeat offenders. This was Rubenstein's primary motivation for making the Facebook posting: "I felt like I needed to warn everyone else about these guys," she said. The comments at Jezebel (where Amanda's post was reposted) are full of women's stories of being raped by an acquaintance who went on to rape other women.

Throughout history women have shared stories, exchanged gossip, and sometimes that gossip actually had/has substance - women talking together can just as easily convey important information as share ideas in how to wash their man's pants! Shocking I know lol But sometimes we actually DO talk about important things in life, and share info on someone who has hurt one of our sisters Is a very important thing to share. And make no mistake, we ARE all sisters, we are all women, we have that in common and what affects one of us has the potential to affect us all.

As for the third point, the majority of date rapists have done it before and WILL do it again. So, you may be wondering, why don't women report them? Because first you have point one - the system doesn't make it easy to do so, the investigation and gathering of evidence is invasive and humiliating and requires a woman to relieve the ordeal repeatedly, something she is in state to deal with after the trauma of being raped in the first place.

Because many victims of date rape are ashamed of having put themselves in that position in the first place, they think it's their fault - which it isn't. They think people will blame them for the wrong clothes, or leading him on, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Victim blaming is still endemic in our society, especially in cases of rape and other violent acts against women - too many people still think "She deserved it" or "She asked for it". You know what? No woman ever asks to be raped or abused, whether by her boyfriend, her date, her neighbour or a complete stranger, period.

Rape, whether date rape, stranger rape or whatever, has absolutely NOTHING to do with SEX and EVERYTHING to do with a male need for POWER over, CONTROL of and VIOLENCE towards the victim. There's a reason rape is used as a weapon of war - and it's not because soldiers need sex. It's because it's a vicious, violent weapon that affects on multiple levels.

Victims think no-one will believe them - any case of he said she said is difficult to prove, especially rape - he says they were having rough sex, she says she was raped, there are no witnesses - chances are not good that he'll be found guilty of anything either by the law or by society. Sorry, but sad as it is that is a reflection on both society and the law which has to consider someone innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt - not that that helps out the victims. It's just the way it is.

And no victim really wants to relive what they just went through, probably multiple times, in front of male police officers, court officials, lawyers, judges... you get the idea.

I can understand why, however, that brings us back to point two again - any victim has the right now to go to the authorities if that's what she chooses but she shouldn't remain silent within her own circle of sisters. The chances are very good that if he has raped her, then he's done it to other people, and he will do it again. We have to continue to talk to each other, to protect each other. As soon as one victim of date rape speaks out, you can almost guarantee others will speak up and the only way anything will ever be done about these perpetrators is when enough people know and stand up to them and call them to account for their actions.

In my book, Chloe Rubenstein did what she thought she needed to do to protect other women, to protect her sisters. We all need to look out for each other, we all need to stand together instead of blaming the victims, we need to stand against those who think date rape, rape, abuse and violence are ok. We need to remember we are all in this together and find some sisterhood.

And we need some way of warning other women to at least be wary and be careful when around someone who has committed such an offence. There's a reason women gossip - sometimes it's for mutual protection.

Feminism

So there are lot of misconceptions about feminism and feminists, not least that all feminists are man hating, lumber jacking lesbians or some such who want to overthrow men and do away with family and all kinds of similar notions.

[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. ~Pat Robertson.

Need I say more? Unfortunately it's a well heard view, and part of the reason a lot of women don't think of themselves as feminists even when they are.

fem·i·nism
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
2. (sometimes initial capital letter) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.
3. feminine character.

fem·i·nism
1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.
2. The movement organized around this belief.

Maybe it's just that feminism is all about equality, parity and women standing up for themselves, each other, and our rights and protections as human beings. That seems to be scary to too many men in the world - and the idea of owning their own power and standing up for themselves as equals is apparently scary to some women too. From childhood girls are taught to be good, behave, be obedient, be nice, be subservient to the men in their lives - yes even in our supposedly civilized western society.

"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." ~Rebecca West

Society needs an attitude change because too many people still think that women should be doormats, unable to say no or refute any demand made on them - whoever by.

(There will be more on this topic lol)

Books - Chick Lit LOL

Books I have read and own that I think every free thinking woman should read:

Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
Spider Woman's Web
Holy Book of Women's Mysteries
Standing Together
Our Bodies, Ourselves
Women Who Run With Wolves
Truth or Dare
Awakening Intuition

There are more, I know there are, but after restarting my library from scratch I cannot remember. Suggestions are welcome....

Alicia

So I was thinking about what Alicia said - "It truly bothers me, an underlying theme in our community, that women (even in positions of leadership) are to be silent to 'keep the peace' to allow others to infringe upon our rights and the rights of others, to allow the cycle of abuse to run rampant. Every time I speak out, it garners some very strange reactions."

And she does get some interesting reactions for not being the 'good, quiet obedient girl' that too many people, not all men, would prefer her to be. Yet she should be speaking up, she shouldn't be silent just because some people are uncomfortable with the things she has to say about rape, domestic violence, women's rights, aboriginal rights and many other subjects. They are things that need saying, they address issues, behaviour and facts that need to be brought into the light and dealt with. We need more people who are willing to do that, even in the face of opposition and denial.

We need more people like her who are willing to stand tall, speak their mind and call it like it is, especially on the many taboo subjects in our society. People are going to find it uncomfortable because they would rather these things be swept under the carpet and left there. Well you know what? Sweeping things under the carpet doesn't make them go away. We need to stand up and make people face facts and deal with them.

Alicia also made another point, that as a priestess silence is not an option. She is expected and required to stand up and say what needs to be said. As she put it "The Gods have no respect for cowardice..." Especially some of them. I understand where she's coming from with that one, and no it's not an easy road to walk, even the Gods agree on that. It is, however, a necessary one, and a road that Alicia walks with strength, intelligence, dignity and fire. She is an outstanding person, priestess, pagan and activist. In my opinion the world could use a few more women like her.

My mum

It's been ten years now, and yet every day I miss her. I still want to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end - and I never will, and that kills me.
Same as it kills me that she has four grandchildren, one who was only a baby when she died, and one, she will never know. And he will never know her. And she would have adored him as she adored the other three.
I try not to remember her as she was at the end, I prefer to remember her as she was before that - as she was when I was a child and as she was even when her two oldest grandchildren were babies. Then, she was a strong, determined woman who taught me many things that have shaped who I am today. I don't need to remember her as she was once life, and men, destroyed her, I knew her when she was so much more than that - back before she lost the love of her life.

Only now do I realize how much I owe her, how much she shaped who I am. Because only now can I see what I couldn't define back then when it happened and understand why she did what she did. Only now do I understand how hard it was for her to be who she was, to give birth to me in the first place as an unmarried mother, to raise me though she never married my step father, (the love of her life, may he rest in peace forever) in the place and with the people she was with, and only now do I really understand why she gave up.

I've always accepted that she simply couldn't take any more after everything that she had put up with, I always knew that losing the love of her life first to another woman and then to cancer - and helping his new wife through that loss - in addition to her own recent loss of the asshole she called a boyfriend - was simply too much - I just never truly understood how she could quit and give up - I accepted it as her choice but I didn't understand it - now I do.

That doesn't matter - what matters is that I realize that she gave me so much more than life, she introduced me to worlds I will never forget, she gave me freedoms I could wish for all children, she taught me many things I can only hope to pass on to my children, she loved those of her grandchildren that she knew, and she loved me. Regardless of what I did or didn't do, she loved me.

And no matter if it is one year, ten years or a hundred years, I will always miss the fact that I can no longer pick up a phone, dial a number, and hear her voice.

Rest in peace, whether with your gods or mine, Mum, for I love you, now and for always, in this world and the next. May my Lady bless you for all time.
Love you Mum.

Life stuff and stray thoughts

Well I never did promise sanity, sense, coherence or anything else remotely related. Just adding in a few older posts while I try and figure out what I'm supposed to be doing this afternoon - and then figure out what I'll actually do lol
Weather is too crappy for another trip out so that'll have to wait... might have to call another buddy who's having a 'shit happens' week. Life can be a really... interesting thing sometimes - not always in a good way even when things happen that are probably for the best in the long term - they still aren't any fun at all in the short term. Sucks to be going through it and I feel for her, I really do. Sometimes in life there is no "right" answer, no "correct" solution, only better or worse, or a lesser evil, or dealing with what comes, somehow, as best you can.

No-one round here knows her, and no-one knows who I'm talking about except me and her and that's how it'll stay. Imagine being single, less than young, and finding out you're pregnant, and knowing abortion is not a choice you want to make - although like me she firmly believes that abortion should always be a legally available option for any woman - her personal choice is not. So that's out, yet, on the other hand, all practical considerations aside, and all of us with kids know there are PLENTY of those, you also know that if you carry this child, there's every chance you'll get as sick as last time, and in fact you were warned that you shouldn't have any more children as being pregnant again would pose a high risk of killing you. I remember how sick she was last time. When life happens, it happens good and hard! Love you girl.

Life seems to happening a little too much to several of my friends lately - for starters I'll be glad when Mercury retrograde is over! Relationships starting, ending, going pants - for umpteenth time.... not to mention all the rest of the crap going on. Life may be what it is, but sometimes it seems to happen hard and fast.

Anyway.... "Every action comes with a price, be prepared to pay that price and then do what you will." Elspeth Sapphire (hope I remembered that correctly!)

"It's called the Craft of the Wise, not the Craft of the Nice." Brock.

I heard a story from a friend, made me mad, started me thinking, and I had a Budapest moment.

Some days you wouldn't think we were living in the 21st century. For all the advances that society has made, there are still areas that are positively medieval, and we might as well still be living in the dark ages when men thought women weren't just second class citizens, they were chattel there to do whatever a man wanted whenever he wanted. Think that's not true? Well it is, there are still too many men who think they are better appointed with what women want and need than the women themselves do. That includes men who rape women.

Too many men still think women don't have a right to exert control over their own bodies and what happens to them, and that they have a right to do whatever they want to whoever they want. They believe it is their right to rape a women if she doesn't consent to have sex with them whenever and however they demand it, and that it is her fault and she is the one who should feel guilty.

Whether or not force is used, whether or not the woman knows her attacker, if she is forced, coerced or intimidated into something she doesn't want to do, then it's rape. Women feel guilty, as if it's their fault, they did something wrong and brought it on themselves. No they didn't.

The guilty party is the man, plain and simple. He is the one that did something wrong, he's the one that took away the woman's right to control over her own body, he's the one that violated her. And chances are if he does it once, he'll do it again and he's probably done it before.

There's a myth out there about the stranger waiting in the bushes, but you know, most rapes are committed by people known to their victim. Doesn't matter if they're a date or an acquaintance or a boss or a neighbour, it's still rape. All our lives as women we're told to be careful what we wear, where we go, what we do and who we talk to. The implication being that it's our fault if we get raped, men are somehow unable to help themselves or to resist temptation. Please! Are men so unevolved that they can't contain themselves? I don't think so.

There are plenty of men out there who would never dream of violating a woman in that way - the ones who do are simply using excuses to cover over and avoid their own guilt at doing something that is fundamentally wrong - or, they have a psychological issue because they really believe that they are superior and know better than a woman what she wants or that she is only there to satisfy their every desire for power, control and domination. Doesn't help that society still thinks a man is manly for sleeping with many women, while a woman who does the same is slutty. Society needs some serious attitude adjustments.

Women should never feel guilty for being raped, it was not their fault. It was an act of violence committed against them, without their consent, period. Women have a right to say no, to anyone, at any time. Men actually ARE capable of control, those who rape just like to pretend they aren't because then they don't have to take responsibility for what they're doing. Doesn't matter who she is, every woman has the right to refuse sexual acts, period.

Well you know what, those of you who think it's ok to force someone to have sex with you? Get real, get responsible and get a life. We aren't going to let you get away with it anymore. We, as women, are not responsible for the acts of violence committed against us by men, no matter who they are. And make no mistake, rape is an act of violence, power and control that is enacted through sex. It's about time us girls got together and used whatever means we happen to have at our disposal to deal with you.

And btw anyone who rapes a friend of mine better hope like hell I don't get hold of them, no matter who they are. I will use every means at my disposal to make you face up to the consequences of your actions. And I mean EVERY. She did nothing wrong, you are a repeat offender. Yeah I hear things from many sources. May karmic consequence bite your ass - and I might just help it along. Cupcakism is not for witches.

Abortion

“I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.”
Rebecca West

Abortion is always a contentious issue - everyone has an opinion - even when they say they don't. In some places, like America, it's an even more heated debate, and one for which each of us should reach our own personal decision. It is also one on which many people, myself included, are very passionate.

Bottom line is that while I, personally, could (probably) never have an abortion because it goes against my personal beliefs, I will always be pro choice because I believe that the right to a legal, medical abortion is a necessity in any civilized society that gives half a damn about the health, mental and physical, of women and children.
Banning abortion does not stop people from wanting terminations, it simply sends them to back street abortionists and underground clinics where they don't get the care or treatment they need. Banning abortion simply results in an increase in unnecessary deaths and injuries from illegal abortions and an increase in unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies. It also has a negative effect on prenatal health, infant mortality, and maternal health - and on the physical and emotional health of the unwilling mothers who feel coerced into having a child they cannot cope with or do not want.

Pregnancy and childbirth is the leading cause of death, worldwide, for young women, so why add to that number by denying them access to safe, clinical, medical terminations?

Thanks to certain factions it's immensely complicated in America as it varies by state. And freedom of speech means that we have to allow people to give voice to their opinion even when we disagree with them - I may completely disagree with your point of view but I will defend your right to say it - even when it sucks! Which also means I have a right to say that I think legal abortion is a necessary thing. Deal.

Free speech against abortion - ok
Protesting against those who perform or permit abortion - ok
Lying to vulnerable women to persuade them to carry a pregnancy to term - not ok
Killing doctors who perform medically safe abortions - not ok
Bombing clinics and/or harassing staff - not ok

The specifics that got me so irritated the last few days? How is it fair or just or moral to tell someone who was raped, or the victim of incest, that they cannot terminate? How can forcing them to carry their pregnancy to term somehow "empower them" and help them recover from the trauma that they have been through? Especially when that person was raped by their stepfather - someone they should have been able to trust? And especially when that victim is only ten years old? HOW can forcing a child to carry a baby to term ever be considered "The right thing to do" ?

http://www.feministing.com/archives/020866.html

Whatever happens as a result of the alleged incest and rape charges against her stepfather, the girl is past the point at which she is permitted a legal abortion anyway. She has to carry to term - gods willing, and may the Goddess protect her - she needs it. She is TEN for crying out loud. No ten year old should be becoming a mother for any reason, least of all this one. And it's not as if she's an isolated victim. It happens all too often across the world.

I don't promise coherence, but I stand by what I believe, and I believe that for many different reasons, legal, medical abortion should be an option. For ten year olds who shouldn't be pregnant in the first place by whatever means, for rape victims, for those who consider it their best, or only, option, for teenage girls who made a mistake.

Domestic violence

So recently it was International Women's Day, and in light of that I have a question for all Calgarians. Ok, for everyone out there, but specifically for Calgarians.

How many abused women and victims of domestic violence did you speak to on that day? Now how many of you answered "None." ? Chances are you did talk to at least one, you just didn't know it. Domestic violence is one of the most silent epidemics in the province.
While not all victims of domestic violence are women, the vast majority are and they could be anyone. It could happen to your sister, your neighbour, the girl you work with or that quiet woman you saw on the bus. It is no respecter of race, class, colour, creed or income.

Alberta has the highest provincial rate of domestic violence in Canada. According to the Alberta Council of Women's Shelters, last fiscal year they took on 6,156 women and 5,285 children to their 42 shelters - women and children who were in imminent danger of further assault or even homicide. They also had to turn away another 10,364 women and 6,747 children for a lack of space and/or funding.

Because of the silence that surrounds domestic violence and the fear of it's victims, few realize that there is even a problem until desperation drives a woman to seek help from somewhere such as the ACWS. Last fiscal year they fielded 35,000 calls to their crisis lines. The silence of those around who pretend not to see or don't want to see is the abuser's biggest safety net. It's long past time we ended that silence and held them accountable.

How many victims of domestic violence did I speak to on that day? On that one day I spoke to my step sister, a survivor of domestic abuse, and to my best friend, another survivor. If she were still alive I would have spoken to my mother since she was another victim, one who the laws where she lived could not protect. Online I spoke to more who are survivors. It's happened to my family, to people I know, chances are it has happened and is happening now, to people you know too.

So, let me ask you again - On International Women's Day, on any particular day, how many victims of Domestic Violence did you speak to? Probably more than you think. Time to break the silence.

Afghan schoolgirls

http://english.aljazeera.net/news/asia/2010/04/201042663711279658.html

No, I don't know for sure what happened but why wouldn't it surprise me if certain people were trying to stop girls getting an education, to stop women from climbing out from beneath their male 'protectors' and claiming something resembling equality? IF, and it's a big if, though it's not the first instance of poisoning happening to girls in school in Afghanistan, that is what happening then it seems to me that someone (using the term loosely) is running scared, afraid of the idea of women gaining control of their own lives and destinies. Seems like IF it is the case them someone is tying to keep women in their place.

"Attacks on girls schools have increased in the past year, particularly in the east and south of the country. Last year a group of schoolgirls in Kandahar had acid thrown in their faces by men who objected to them attending school. "
http://www.welt.de/english-news/article3717796/Afghan-girls-poisoned-at-school.html


http://www.rferl.org/content/Illnesses_At_Afghan_Girls_Schools_Prompt_Poisoning_Fears/2024984.html

This was a year ago.
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE54A1IR20090512

given what they go through to go to school, and that as recently as 2001 it was forbidden, one has to wonder. And, those of us who took going to school and getting an education as an often dull and annoying right, have to consider ourselves lucky to have been able to do so and be bored with it.

This is the same climate that allowed this to happen
http://purplerahk.blogspot.com/2007/11/english-can-get-you-killed.html
and in all cases, no-one was doing anything other than trying to get an education and improve the lives of themselves, their families and those around them. Something most of us would consider a worthy goal.

Me

Now there's a reason for my ongoing comments about sisters but first I should point out that to begin with there'll probably be a lot of postings as I catch up with posting stuff that has been sat around waiting to be posted. Eventually I'll run out and things will slow to an inconsistent trickle - much to the relief of anyone who accidentally falls into here since I don't expect anyone to notice that this is even up and running again. But it was a necessary thing.

So, sisters is part of a theme that has been playing through my head and running into my life with increasing frequency over the last few months, namely that of women's issues for want of a better phrase right now. I've always been what people would probably call a feminist, amongst other things. It's just a part of who and what I am in the same way that being a witch is - and yes, if you just joined us I'm a witch and a Pagan and quite happily so thank you. Have been for something like 17 years now give or take - kinda scary when I think about that, almost makes me feel old. Mind you, if I think about the fact that my eldest daughter turns 19 tomorrow then I really feel old lol

Anyway, I'm a feminist, I'm a witch, and a few other things too, none of them are something I do, they're just part of who i am.

As Matrinka once said (in words that probably haunt her since i use them a lot) "I'm a witch and a medicine woman, It's not something I do, it's just a part of who and what I am."

A long time ago, back when I almost ended up in politics (and that's a whole other story and a whole other lifetime ago) I was pretty outspoken about what I thought was right, and wrong, Then I got jaded and burnt by trying to change a flawed, and patriarchal - really patriarchal and conservative back where i used to live in that other lifetime - and life changed vastly and got very busy in the way that happens when you have a small child. So many things took a backseat, not because i no longer cared, simply because I had neither the time nor the energy to devote to them.

Then about a year ago now, things started coming to my notice, articles, news reports, books, people.... that rekindled the spark that had been sleeping and in the way of these things synchronicities started occurring ever more frequently until finally i got the message - time to poke your head back out again. Sometimes My Lady can be persistent when She wants me to pay attention. Will anyone listen tome? Does anyone care? Who knows, all I know is that I will do and say what I consider I need to, or what needs to be said, and whatever happens as a result of that, happens.

I've always been that way though. I'm pretty easy going, but every so often someone or something crosses that proverbial invisible line in the sand and brings out the bear in me. Happened many, many years ago with some people from Courage, and lend to doing things that I never thought I'd do, and having unexpected people come up and say they were glad I'd said what I'd said. (Back to the politics story) It's happened many times over the years, and as far as I'm concerned each time it was something that needed doing or saying, and if no one else would do or say then I was going. Each time if it made a difference somewhere, somehow, to one person that made it worth doing. Either way, sometimes things just need to be said and done even if people in general don't want to hear them.

So, to get kind of back on point, sisters, are a recurring theme lately, not just real sisters - blood or choice - but because at the most basic level, all women are sisters. What affects one of us affects all of us. See? Back to the feminism thing lol

Sisters

1. a female offspring having both parents in common with another offspring; female sibling.
2. Also called half sister. a female offspring having only one parent in common with another offspring.
3. stepsister.
4. a female friend or protector regarded as a sister.

The first four definitions of sister from dictionary.com

Also, –adjective 12. being or considered a sister; related by or as if by sisterhood: sister ships.

Those you consider sister, whether by blood, marriage, accident or simple act of life...

Real sisters, like real family, aren't born, they grow to be by word and deed - they are more than simply a product of blood they are a product of life. And that means, that though I was born a third generation only child, I consider myself blessed by the sisters in my life.

Two years later....

So one of the perils of not blogging for over two years is that you get out of practice, both at writing and at making time to write. Another is, if you're anything like me, you forget your password for logging into you blogger account - especially is technically your computer is smarter than you are and is supposed to remember it for you so you never had to remember it in the first place!

Mind you, it's not as if not posting a blog of any kind means I haven't written anything - sheesh I have a drawer full of notebooks full of everything from essays and opinion pieces to notes, family trees and those dark moments of angst filled emotion we all suffer from time to time to prove it.

Now if I could just wave a magic a wand and get all the ones I want to copy from there to magically appear in typed format on my computer I'd be laughing.
Technically i can write straight on computer, or should that be type straight on computer? But firstly i rarely have enough computer time that I can use for that when I'm not at risk of being interrupted mid sentence every sentence or of disturbing other people who are trying to watch TV or something and would be bothered by the continual typing. So it hasn't happened yet, and, I'm old fashioned, give me open and some paper and the urge to get thoughts onto paper and I can suddenly discover that I just filled a dozen pages without even realizing it!

don't worry I'm not going to bother you with the terrible angst of those occasional dark times, the ones we all go through every now and then. Those I write down because for me it's therapeutic, a way to clear all the junk from the hard drive of my brain if you will, because for me, once it bothers me enough to get it out and down on paper, the very act of doing that is generally enough for me to be able to let go of whatever was bothering me at the time, deal with it, and move on feeling far more peaceful and balanced once again. Then the written pages generally get shredded and trashed having fulfilled their purpose.
And I like being peaceful and balanced.

We do, however, all go through those dark times, mentally and emotionally. It's a part of the roller coaster that is life. Often they are actually a necessary part of it even if at times they drive us to despair and leave us dubious about our sanity. sometimes we later have the time and perspective to look back on the darkness we realize that it was necessary, a turning point or a growth point and that we are actually better, stronger and more balanced for having been through that darkness. Still sucks when you are in the middle of the dark times however.

Sometimes each of us has to hit the bottom in the darkness before we can begin to see the light and climb our way back up again to another new height. Life is rarely even, easy or fair, it just is what it is, and we try to deal with it as best we can, some days we do better some days we don't - we are each only human after all. what matters is not the things that happen to us in life but how we react to and deal with them and how much we keep on going, keep trying, keep doing, and don't give up, even when it's dark. Sometimes we need a helping hand to find the light and begin the climb out of the darkness and that's what friends and true family are for.

Which is kind of where I was going, I just took the long way around, because this is not going to be about those occasional dark times - well, mostly not anyway! As I said, my notebooks contain thoughts on a number of topics, tags really are going to be a wonderful invention although my choice of tag might not always seem obvious to you - the connections in my brain are sometimes a little obscure to some people. They will however hopefully keep roughly related topics connected to each other.

What started me once again thinking about blogging and led to the earlier comments about the dark times was a conversation last night. Anyway.

In the intervening couple of years many things have changed and many haven't. Demonspawn is now just turned four, Demon is still going strong after his heart attack two years ago, and winter here in Calgary is finally coming to an end. Other than that life here pretty much carries as usual in that day to day way life has of doing so.

Some things have changed and one of those is that thanks to facebook I have reconnected with several people that I hadn't spoken to in years. One of them in particular, my other sister. Let me start by explaining that I am an only child but I also believe that 'True family is not only one of blood but one of joy and respect in each others lives.' And in that respect I consider myself blessed to have two that I can call sister - Nuttie, the BC dwelling, sister in law I inherited when I got into a relationship with her brother, Demon, five years ago today.

And Crazy girl, the UK dwelling step sister I lost touch with for more than ten years and rediscovered thanks to the wonders that are facebook (when facebook is not being an ass that is) Technically we aren't related but we share a step father - who said families were easy to understand or explain? lol She is, however, my sister - my crazy witchy fairy queen sister.

And I count myself lucky to have two who i would call sister.

"True sisters measure time not by clock or calendar but by the beat of the heart."

And btw in case you forgot or are new here - my typing sucks. I can spell, but even after all these years I cannot type accurately - fast yes - accurate no!!